


V

by am3ria



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Abusive Sam, Alternate Universe, Angst, Butt Sex, Cheating, Emotional Abuse, Gabriel's a slut, Just kidding Sam isn't gentle, M/M, Maroon 5 - Freeform, Rimming, Sam is a gentle snowflake, V album, abusive gabriel, every chapter is a song, happy ending i swear, i'll add tags as i go, mild dirty talk, minimal mention of bondage, smut is coming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-09-30 16:00:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10166594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/am3ria/pseuds/am3ria
Summary: Gabriel loves Sam. He thinks. Sam loves Gabriel. Maybe. Right? How does love work, anyway? Can you ever really walk away from someone you've given yourself to, no matter how bad they've behaved?Love, hate, cheating, lies, broken hearts and broken bones. These two were made for each other but they are so wrong for each other.Named V for the Maroon 5 album! Each chapter is loosely based on a song.





	1. It Was Always You

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written anything but Destiel and only once have attempted a long fic (other than this one). Please leave feedback! I'm not entirely sure how good this will be or if I will continue it. I can't decide how I feel about the concept yet. Shorty chapter for this reason.

Gabriel woke drenched in sweat, covered from the waist down in a simple white sheet. Gabriel had a tendency to be flamboyant but he reserved that behavior for his personality rather than his home. It made going through a new guy a week that much easier to move on from. All it took to forget them was to toss the bedding into the wash.  
  
 _"Holy shit,"_ he muttered. He pushed himself to a sitting position, hands twisting the sheets tight. His heart pounded in his chest. "What a dream!" He looked down his torso, frowned at the slick sheen of his chest. His eyes continued to trail downward and his eyebrows disappeared behind his messy dirty blonde hair when he witnessed the tent in his lap. "Really?" He moved a hand to the sheets and lifted them slowly, as if he moved slowly maybe he would realize he was just imaging his arousal.  
  
"Well," Gabriel chuckled. He shrugged absently, reached for his night stand and opened the top drawer. He found his favorite lube - designed for anal sex but _oh well_ \- and popped the top with a soft click. He drizzled the cool liquid over himself, shivering happily at the sensation. He recapped the bottle and returned it to his home beside his bed.  
  
Gabriel wrapped a loose fist around the head of his cock and slipped it over the length, tip to base, so that he was coated comfortably. He let his body sink back against the headboard and started to move his hand in a steady, slow rhythm. "Oh Sammy," he sighed, "you have _got_ to stay out of my dreams."  
  
Gabriel let his eyes slide shut and held onto the visuals of his dream. It didn't take long to bring himself close to the edge.   
  
He often dreamed of his best friend Sam in a sexual way and he often jerked off to it. It was always hot, Gabriel wouldn't deny that, but this time had been different. As usual the sex was amazing, but instead of being the dirtiest kind of fantasy Gabriel's mind could concoct it was oddly intimate. There was kissing, there was hand holding, there was post-orgasm cuddling. Gabriel grunted and squeezed the base of his cock as his orgasm over took him. "Sam," he breathed. He lazily wiped his hand and his leaking cock head on the sheets before scooting back down the bed. He moved away from the damp spot, rolled over, and went back to sleep. He'd throw them in the wash in the morning.  
  
***  
  
"Hey Gabe."   
  
"Sammy!" Gabriel grinned at his friend and opened his much shorter arms to the man in front of him, wrapping him in a tight hug. Gabriel inhaled sharply when his nose bumped into Sam's firm chest and he felt his heartbeat quicken. Sam smelled the way Sam always smelled. The same tang of Old Spice that he always used but for some reason this time it gave Gabriel a different kind of feeling.   
  
When Sam pulled away from Gabriel he gave the older man a confused look. "You alright?" His large hands still held onto Gabriel's shoulders, steadying him as if he may collapse. Gabriel thought he might. His head swam, searching for the meaning of the pounding in his chest.   
  
"Your eyes," Gabriel murmured finally.  
  
"What?" Sam laughed uncomfortably and gave Gabriel a little shake. "What's the matter with you? What about my eyes?"  
  
"They're so..." Gabriel leaned up on his toes, face tipped up, still several inches shorter than Sam was. "They're the most beautiful shade of hazel, Sam."  
  
Gabriel could see the red as it stained Sam's cheeks and he wondered if his own skin shared the same kind of flush.  
  
"Uhm." Sam released Gabriel's shoulders, took half a step back. "Thank you?" He scrunched his nose up, confused. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I am," Gabriel breathed. He reached out for Sam, wrapped his slender fingers around the taller mans thick wrist. "Sammy, I think I just realized something."  
  
Sam eyed Gabriel's hand suspiciously on his wrist. "Oh yeah?" He asked, eyes trailing their way back up to Gabriel's face. "And what might that be?"   
  
"For my whole life I've never crossed the line with you." Sam barked out a laugh and Gabriel snapped his fingers at the younger man. "Not what I mean," he sang. Gabriel shook his head and let his face turn into a grin. What was he nervous for? That just wasn't Gabriel's style. "Seriously, Sammy, listen to me though."  
  
"Alright," Sam conceded. They'd met at the beach as they often did to enjoy the sunny California day. Sam lowered his body to the sand, leaning back on his elbows in a half-laying down position. "I'm sitting, though. Wouldn't want to be shocked right off my feet." He laughed easily and Gabriel felt warm all over listening to the sound. He joined Sam in the sand but in front of him, his knees against Sam's toes, his hands on Sam's knees.  
  
"Sammy, I dream about you all the time, you know?" Gabriel grinned wickedly, eyes clouding over with lust.  
  
"You- what?" Sam attempted to offer an awkward smile, knew it faltered. He shook his long, dark hair out of his face and tipped his head back to look into the blue sky above them. "Cut it out, Gabe."  
  
"No, Sam, I mean it. I dream about you constantly. I mean, you are a _great_ lay in my brain. Honestly, you're fuckin' dreamy. But I think it's more than that. I think you're more than that."   
  
Sam dropped his chin back down and eyed Gabriel seriously. There was confusion written all over his face. "Thanks, I guess? I mean, you're kind of a slut, Gabe. I don't know what you're trying to get at here. Wanna get to the point?" Sam let his fingers slither through the sand, leaving tiny rake marks in their wake.   
  
"I think I've always been a slut because I never found the right person."  
  
"No shit!" Sam laughed loudly, his eyes wild with humor. "You think?"  
  
"Oh fuck you, Sammy," Gabriel growled. He sank his finger nails into Sam's knees and leaned forward so his weight pressed into Sam's legs. "Trying to tell you you're the one here, buddy."  
  
Sam's fingers stopped their movements and he attempted to sit up straighter, an awkward curving of his back. His face was level with Gabriel's now. It looked confused yet determined. "What did you say?" He asked slowly.  
  
Gabriel's hands raised quickly, gripped Sam's stubble covered cheeks. "I can't believe I couldn't see it all this time." He smirked, leaned his face so his nose brushed Sam's. "Now I know why I'm _never_ satisfied." Gabriel sighed contentedly, his breath on Sam's face, Sam's on his own. "Looking back now?" He smiled, tilted his head so that his lips were ever so lightly resting against Sam's. He didn't kiss him, just let their lips touch. "It was always you," he decided. He sealed his statement with a gentle kiss against Sam's lips.   
  
If Sam's lips moving against his own were any form of response, Gabriel thought it was safe to say Sam didn't mind the admission.


	2. Kiwi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Gabriel explore their sexuality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've pretty much never written smut before (literally the tiniest bit) so this may be all kinds of horrible and that's basically all this chapter is. Also some passage of time! Take pity on me and leave feedback.

_Two months later_  
  
Sam rolled his eyes as a pair of arms snaked around his waist. "You're such a flirt," he muttered. He spared a glance at the hands gripping the hem of his t-shirt before his attention turned back to the coffee pot on the counter before him. He poured the scalding black liquid into a ready and waiting mug as Gabriel's fingers traced along the trail of hair that lead to the happiest place on earth.  
  
"I can't help it, Sammy," Gabriel whined. His finger tips dipped below the waist of Sam's low hanging swim trunks. He pouted when the taller man leaned forward and away causing his fingers to be forced back out. "I just wanna know what it'll be like to make you moan. You know, in the world of the awake."  
  
"Yeah I know." Sam wriggled himself completely free from Gabriel's grip and turned to face the smaller man. "But I already explained this to you. If you _really_ want me for more than just sex and actually think you've had some epiphany about us being meant for each other then you don't need to rush me, do you?"  
  
Gabriel waggled his eyebrows at Sam and reached for him again. His hands were a firm heat on Sam's hips. "Of course not. It's not that I want to rush you. It's just that I want to give you something better than anything you've ever had." Sam smiled at Gabriel but rolled his eyes all the same. He leaned down to place a soft kiss on Gabriel's lips. He moved away from Gabriel again and took a seat at the kitchen table.  
  
Gabriel was behind Sam in an instant, fingers massaging his shoulders. Sam let out a small groan of appreciation as Gabriel worked the muscles. He leaned his head backwards so it rest against Gabriel's stomach. "This massage is a good start," he teased.   
  
Sam shuddered delightedly when Gabriel's mouth found his ear lobe. "I'll be a stronger and a faster lover," Gabriel whispered against him. Sam felt his stomach clench and he placed his palms flat on the table to ground himself. "Sam," he growled, "I'll make the entire world disappear. So fast." Sam's fingers twitched against the table. He gripped the edge of it tight as Gabriel's tongue traced the shell of his ear from top to bottom. Feather light kisses down his neck left him with goosebumps.  
  
"Gabriel," he warned quietly. He tried to remain in control but he knew his voice came out ragged.   
  
"Sam." His tone was meant to be mocking but the name came out muffled as Gabriel vocalized it into Sam's skin that was growing damp from Gabriel working the juncture of neck and collarbone with his tongue. "Please let me," he whispered.   
  
Sam's eyes had sagged shut, willpower fading fast under Gabriel's touch. Sam pushed backwards in his chair, the sound of feet shuffling behind him as he did. "Gabe," he tried again softly. The hands and mouth disappeared and Sam let out sigh that was a mix of relief and disappointment.   
  
"Swim shorts do not a good disguise make," Gabriel teased. Sam opened his eyes to see the older man on his knees before him. Sometimes Sam swore Gabriel could teleport with the way he so swiftly and silently moved. Perhaps he was a ninja. Sam didn't have time to ponder the possibilities; Gabriel's hand was a heavy weight on his groin. Sam's eyes trailed from Gabriel's face to his hand to see that yes, Gabe was right. His swim shorts did nothing to disguise the arousal he was feeling.  
  
"Stop," Sam whimpered. He felt his cock twitch in disagreement.   
  
"Don't stop it before it begins, Sammy." Gabriel's nimble fingers were unlacing the waist band of Sam's trunks, swiftly separating the thin fabric. Sam's cock didn't escape but it strained obviously against the white laces, a pretty crossed pattern over the flushed flesh. "Just give it up to me, Sammy. Just one little blow job? Don't worry, baby. I promise I won't take more. You don't even have to touch me. You're still keeping your resolve."  
  
Sam inhaled slowly, noisy, eyes blown wide as he stared down at Gabriel. "I-" He hesitated. He couldn't claim he wasn't interested, that was already obvious. Maybe Gabriel was right, maybe one little blowjob wouldn't hurt. It didn't mean they were going to start going at it like bunnies. It wasn't going to give Gabriel any relief. It could be a good way to test how patient Gabriel was, he decided. "O-okay, Gabe. Just a blow job."  
  
There was no verbal response from Gabriel. His eyes were hungry and his mouth was too. Sam lifted his hips from the seat so that his shorts could be dropped to his ankles. He gasped softly and his fingers instantly gripped Gabriel's hair in gentle fists when there was suddenly a wet heat wrapping around the head of his cock.   
  
"Oh Gabe," Sam groaned. Gabriel wasted no time; his lips brushed the curling hair at the base of Sam's cock within seconds. Sam wasn't surprised to find Gabriel was skilled but it didn't change his enjoyment of the act to know that practice made perfect.   
  
His head bobbed easily, throat relaxed around Sam. Eventually Sam couldn't help being curious and on a downward motion from Gabriel he bucked his hips up, crushing the head of his cock into the back of the shorter mans throat. Sam also couldn't help a smirk when Gabriel gagged, pulled back. Sam looked down and he instantly regret his decision.   
  
"You taste so good," Gabriel moaned out. His lips were swollen from the stretching, the abuse, and his chin and throat were shiny with the saliva Gabriel had coated Sam's aching cock with. Sam's cock shined in the same way with it. "Is it good for you, Sammy?"  
  
"Shut up," Sam grunted. He released one hand from Gabriel's hair to trail his fingers over his cheek, swipe a thumb across his lip. Gabe turned in Sam's hand, nuzzled at the skin there. Sam's hand drifted down, traced the shape of Gabriel's throat. "Don't you fucking stop," he purred.  
  
Gabriel's lips tugged up, going for his trademark smirk, but he never got the chance before Sam was gripping the base of his cock and directing it back trough Gabe's slightly parted lips. The older man didn't seem to mind as he continued his steady rhythm, tongue working wonders over the underside of Sam, slipping along the space where head met shaft, dipping gently into the tip to lap up every bit of precum Sam spared him.   
  
The blowjob went on for what seemed like ages. Every time Sam would get close Gabriel would ease up, take his time, pull off to just the head and work the length with his hand. Sam was losing his mind, losing his patience, squirming uncomfortably in his seat. "You fucking tease," he hissed.   
  
"Sammy-" Sam let out a sharp laugh, surprising Gabriel. His eyes turned up to look into the taller mans, both sets dark with lust, both filled with need. His mouth hung open, drinking in Sam's wrecked appearance, and Sam took advantage of the small part. He stood abruptly from the chair, knocking it over with the force. He again gripped his cock and pressed the head of it against Gabriel's lips.  
  
"Suck," he demanded. Gabriel obliged, parted his lips farther. Sam's fingers were tightly wound in Gabriel's hair and he used the leverage to force the man backward and forward on him, slamming his hips up with every yank of Gabriel's hair. He could hear Gabriel whine and sputter. He could feel Gabriel's throat contracting when he'd choke on the girth as it threatened to plunge down his throat. "No more teasing," Sam growled out. "Wanna see my cum dripping down your face."   
  
The moan that oozed out of Gabriel's throat, vibrating its way down every inch of Sam, was enough. With one more brutal thrust forward he tensed, squeezed Gabe's hair so tight he was sure he was tearing it out, and spilled into the smaller mans mouth, pulling out as he did until his cock was resting spent against Gabriel's lips, cum leaking down his chin and throat in sticky white ropes.  
  
"Jesus, Gabe, look at you." Sam eased his fingers out of Gabriel's hair, the digits stiff from the intense grip they'd help.   
  
Gabriel's tongue darted out, licked at the cum that remained on his face. He made his way from his abused knees to a sitting position. "Oh no, no," he laughed, "look at you, Sammy. Me thinks someone has a bit of a dominant streak."  
  
Sam's face flushed red and he quickly tucked himself back into his shorts. "Sorry," he muttered.  
  
"Don't be, sweetheart. I like it." Gabriel waggled his eyebrows. "Now help me up and lets go for lunch."  
  
***

  
_Three months later_  
  
Sam grinned down at Gabriel, dark brown hair framing his face. He spread the smaller man's arms and legs across the bed, spreading the man out like an X so that he could strap him down to the bed frame.  
  
"You look amazing like this." Sam checked all the bindings after fastening them, ensuring they were tight enough to hold Gabriel but loose enough that they wouldn't hurt him if he pulled too hard. They'd already had a brief incident where Gabriel tried to free an arm that resulted in a sprained wrist. Trial and error, Gabriel had called it.   
  
Gabriel shook with excitement, not a trace of shame on him as he was splayed naked, cock hard and standing in the air. "Did you enjoy dinner?" Gabriel teased.   
  
Sam growled. Gabriel really was a brat. Sam loved it. "I'm so glad you let me take you home," he said as he hefted himself onto the bed. He sat up on his knees between Gabriel's spread thighs, trailed his fingers over them lightly.   
  
"Sam," Gabriel said seriously, "Kiwi."  
  
Sam's brows drew together in a frown, "what?" He instantly reached for one of the bindings, nervous. "What's wrong?"

Since that first blowjob from Gabriel they'd been exploring their sex life and had determined that Sam had a very dominant side to him and Gabriel was quite happy to play his bratty sub. Gabriel had brought up the idea of bondage and also decided on their safe word. Kiwi.  
  
"Yeah, Sammy, I've gotta ask you something." Sam nodded quickly, undid all the bindings and tossed them off the edges of the bed. He sat cross legged in front of Gabriel who mirrored his position.   
  
"Go for it," Sam said cautiously. He reached a tentative hand out to rest on Gabriel's knee.  
  
"How much longer do we have to wait?"  
   
Sam breathed in sharply, nostrils flaring, "Gabe, I-"  
  
"I don't think that I can wait, Sammy." Gabriel placed both of his hands on Sam's shoulders. "We've done everything else. What's the big deal?"  
  
Sam shrugged one shoulder, wriggled it until Gabriel's hand slipped away. "I don't want to disappoint you. You know that. I'm not as experienced as you and all this learning and teaching has been great. Honestly, I've loved every minute of it but you having to teach me about bondage is a hell of a lot easier to stomach than you needing to teach me how to fuck you right."  
  
Gabriel rocked up onto his knees, drew closer to Sam, cupped his cheeks in tender hands. "Sam," he said delicately, leaned in to give him a kiss so soft it was barely there, "you aren't a virgin. You know what you're doing. I'm going to enjoy it because it's you, not because you're bending me in the right direction."  
  
"I guess," Sam murmured.   
  
"Alright," Gabriel sighed. "No sexy times tonight. Just video games instead, okay?"  
  
Sam nodded absently, casting Gabriel an embarrassed look. "Sure," he finally agreed.  
  
***  
  
 _Two weeks later_  
  
The door was barely closed before Sam was lifting Gabriel up by his thighs and slamming him against the nearest wall. His fingers threaded through the dirty blonde waves that covered Gabriel's head, tugged at them gently as he moaned into his mouth. His stiffening cock pressed against his denim clad lap, crammed up against Gabriel's own denim clad ass.  
  
"Bedroom," Gabriel managed to grunt out. His arms wrapped around Sam's neck tightly and Sam's large hands wound around his thighs. Sam turned them and awkwardly stumbled down the hallway, determined to make it to the bedroom as Gabriel nipped and sucked at his neck.   
  
When they arrived in the bedroom Sam all but dropped Gabriel on the bed. The second his hands were free of the shorter man he was ripping his own shirt over his head, unfastening his belt. He unbuttoned his jeans and dropped them as well as his boxer-briefs in one motion, kicking them away.   
  
Gabriel reached for Sam's straining cock but Sam caught his wrist, pulled him up by it. He turned Gabriel away from him and undressed him in the same speedy manner. Sam reached a hand around Gabriel's body to find his cock. He groaned when he found it to be just as hard as his own and without so much as a word he shoved the other man onto the bed. "Up," he demanded, "on your knees."   
  
Gabriel popped up on his hands and knees, turning his head to glance back at Sam. Sam crawled onto the bed behind him, hands wrapping around Gabe's shoulders. He trailed kisses over the expanse of Gabriel's back, scraped his nails down afterwards. Sam leaned up, away, fingers pressing into Gabriel's hips as he admired the angry red marks his nails had left.   
  
Once he was done enjoying his work Sam edged backwards until he was off the bed. He dropped to his knees, pulling at Gabe's hips to move him closer.   
  
"Sam?"  
  
Sam only hummed in response. He leaned his face forward, nose brushing Gabriel's smooth, rounded ass cheek before he pressed his thumbs against their inner curve, slowly spreading Gabriel's flesh so that the pink, puckered ring of muscles was exposed. Sam groaned at the sight and brushed a thumb over the tender flesh. " _Fuck._ " Sam reveled in the way the muscles clenched at the touch. After he felt he'd spent enough time watching the way Gabriel's body responded to his touch he dove forward, tongue instantly coming out to feel those muscles. They felt so smooth against his tongue. He probed, pushed past that sensitive ring, swirled around. It was warm, nearly hot, and Sam swore he could _feel_ how pink the inside of Gabriel was.   
  
"Oh my god," Gabriel whined. "Sam, Sam, Sam." Gabriel reached a hand back, gripped his own ass cheek to spread himself wider. He leaned forward so his chest was against the bed, back bowing beautifully so that his ass was up high. "Oh, please."   
  
Sam sucked air in desperately, barely able to breath with how deeply his face was pressed into Gabriel. He licked and lapped, tongue plunging in and out of Gabriel until his jaw ached. When he pulled back his finger was within Gabriel's wet walls instantly. "You're so tight."  
  
"So stretch me out," Gabriel responded. He rocked his hips backwards on the single finger. "Don't have to be gentle."   
  
"God you're so good for me." Sam leaned to the bedside table, finger never stopping its steady motion of pumping in and out of Gabriel. He found the lubricant easily, popped the cap. Without much grace or care he squeezed a liberal amount of it onto Gabriel. He smeared some of it onto his own cock, slid it within his fist once, twice. He held the base, rubbed the tip of himself along Gabriel's asshole.  
  
"Easy tiger." Gabriel tried to inch forward. "Not quite so rough."  
  
Sam rolled his eyes, trailed his cock over Gabriel one more time. "Not stupid," he muttered. He stroked himself slowly as his other hand worked at Gabriel. He pushed an additional finger in, thrust the two of them, twisted them, curled them, tried to spread them apart. He pumped them that way until the attempt to add a third finger was handled with ease. Sam didn't bother trying to stretch Gabriel any more with that third digit, instead withdrawing his fingers so they could be replaced by his cock.  
  
"Gabe?" Sam placed a gentle hand on Gabriel's hip, pushed forward so just the head of his cock was breaching him.  
  
"Y-Yeah, Sam?" Gabriel sounded winded.   
  
Sam pushed in slowly, didn't stop until he was fully seated. He breathed out shakily at the sensation of being clutched tight by Gabriel's body. Sam wrapped his arms around Gabriel's stomach and pulled him up so that his chest was flush with the smaller mans back. He pressed a kiss to Gabriel's shoulder before dropping his forehead to it. "I love you."   
  
"Oh fuck Sammy," Gabriel whimpered. He tipped his head backwards so it was resting against Sam's shoulder. "I love you, too."   
  
Sam pulled his hips back slowly, withdrew until just the head of his cock was wrapped in Gabriel. He shivered before he sank back in, one arm holding Gabriel around the waist while the other went to his cock, stroking in time with his thrusts so that every time he eased out his fist would be at the head of Gabriel. He picked up a rhythm of deep but slow motions, adjusting the angle of his hips every time, searching.  
  
 _"Jesus!"_ Gabriel's hands clawed at Sam's thighs, sunk into the flesh until Sam winced. "Sam, Christ," he moaned out. Sam smiled against Gabriel's shoulder, pressed his lips into the salty flesh. They weren't moving quickly but there was still sweat beginning to dampen both of their bodies.   
  
"Yeah Gabe?" Sam pressed into that spot again, felt Gabriel's muscles pulsing around him. "Feel good?" He tightened his grip on Gabriel's cock, sped it up as his hips quickened their pace.  
  
"Mhm." Gabriel's head lolled forward, one of his hands joining Sam on himself.  
  
"Tell me," Sam growled. He bit into Gabriel's shoulder, hips beginning to stutter irregularly as he felt the orgasm building inside of him.   
  
"Fee-feels good, Sammy," Gabriel panted. His fingers tightened and loosened against Sam's. "So good."  
  
"Want you to cum first." Sam pressed chaste kisses up and down Gabriel's shoulder, held their bodies tight together so they were flush from thigh to shoulder. "Gonna cum for me, Gabe?"  
  
Gabriel attempted an answer, only managed out a strangled noise of ecstasy as his cock pulsed violently and began to spurt cum onto the bed sheets. "Sam," he cried out, sagging his weight backwards against the larger man.  
   
Sam held the weight of him easily, pumped his hips forward in jagged bursts as Gabriel's body throbbed like a beating heart around his length. Soon enough it ripped his orgasm from him. He stayed deep in Gabriel until he felt spent and empty. After what felt like several minutes he eased away slowly, cock slipping free. Sam couldn't help the moan that escaped him as he watched his cum seep from between Gabriel's cheeks and down his legs.  
  
Rather than stand, he turned them until they could both lay on the bed. "Night," he grunted.   
  
"Night," Gabriel whispered. 


	3. Sugar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam goes away for work. Gabriel is a needy bottom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap on a cracker. Babies. They're tough work. I've written several chapters for this fic as well as The Real Housewives but its always in paragraph long bursts when the baby sleeps so going back and editing to make sure they make any sense at all is proving to be a challenge. I've also decided I don't want to write in past tense anymore so you will see, I believe in the next chapter, that it switches up to present. I've done my best to make sure I don't alternate between past/present in this one but, as always, all mistakes are my own.

"How long will you be gone?" Gabriel watched from the bed, eyes trained on Sam's every movement. Dresser, suitcase, bathroom, suitcase, closet, suitcase. Back and forth Sam went, Gabe's eyes never missing a second of the way he moved.   
  
"Not long, I hope." Sam folded another shirt, tucked it in gently as if too much force would cause the luggage to suddenly erupt. "Seems like a pretty open and closed case."  
  
"Right." Gabriel sounded distant. When Sam glanced up at him, finally, the older man was now starring into the pile of neatly stacked clothing.   
  
"Hey," Sam said softly, "you know I'm going to have my phone on me every second I'm not in the court room, right? We'll talk tons. Just like we always have when I go away."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I know. It's just different this time, Sammy."  
  
A sad smile played at Sam's lips, turned them up, turned them back down. He sunk to his knees in front of Gabriel, just slightly below eye level with the much smaller man. "Why? Because we're a thing now?"  
  
"A thing," Gabriel laughed, the sound bitter, "Sam you're more than just a thing." His eyes met Sam's now, floppy brown hair shadowing them. A tentative hand reached out, pushed the locks backwards. For a moment the two just stared at each other, into each other, before their lips were coming together. Sam's came in slowly, tender, but Gabriel's were rushed and hungry, a breathless sound leaving him when Sam's tongue slipped out, thick and warm and damp against Gabriel's bottom lip, asking for entrance rather than demanding.  
  
"I gotta get going," Sam finally murmured into Gabriel's cheek after what seemed like ages of sharing each others breath.   
  
"Can't you stay a little longer?" Gabriel hooked a finger into Sam's belt loop when he stood again, yanked him forward by it. His face hovered dangerously close to the taller mans crotch, a fact not overlooked by Sam. "I need you, right now."  
  
"Gabriel." Chastising, punctuated with a look of sympathy.  
  
"C'mon." Gabriel slid from the bed, dropping to his knees. His hands moved from Sam's waist to gripping his thighs, squeezing the strong muscles there. "I'm begging, Sammy," he purred, nosing up the inside of Sam's thigh.   
  
"Gabe," he warned, a hand on the shoulder of his lover, "I have a flight."  
  
"I'll be quick. Love you in a suit." His lips parted, brushed painfully slowly over the bulge that started to show through Sam's dress pants.  
  
"No," he growled. His fingers pinched into Gabriel's shoulder.   
  
Gabriel hissed slightly as the nails sunk in. "I'm begging on my knees though, baby. I just want one little taste." He slid his hands back, up, flat against Sam's ass. A gentle push urged his hips forward and for a brief moment Gabriel thought Sam was going to cave when he heard the sharp inhale from above him.  
  
"For being more than just a thing it sure seems that all you want is for me to feed you my dick."  
  
Gabriel wrenched back, eyes finding Sam's stoic expression immediately. He wanted to retaliate, wanted to tell Sam he was wrong, but as soon as he'd released his needy grasp the younger man had started to make his move. He was zipping the suitcase, grabbing its handle, and backing away.   
  
From the bedroom door now, "I'll text you when I land, alright?"   
  
***  
  
 _A week later_  
  
 **Gabriel: Are you working right now?**  
  
 _Sam: We're on a brief recess. What's up?_  
  
 **Gabriel: One attachment**  
  
Sam groaned as he clicked the message icon on his phone. He instantly shielded the small screen, bottom lip worrying between his teeth.  
  
 _Sam: Do you really think that's appropriate?_  
  
 **Gabriel: I miss you. I just wanted to show you. Don't you like it?**  
  
Sam glanced upward again, thought _fuck it_ and clicked on the picture to enlarge it. His eyes drank in the sight. Gabriel, naked, laying on his back on the bed. His fingers gripped the backs of his knees, held his legs up and apart in the air. The puckered pink ring of muscle standing out against the tanned swell of his ass beautifully, looking, if Sam was a gambling man, shiny and slick.  
  
 _Sam: Were you playing with yourself babe?_  
  
 **Gabriel: You'll have to text me later to find out.**  
  
 _Sam: Tease. How did you get a picture like that?_  
  
 **Gabriel: Used the timer.**  
  
 _Sam: Such a good boy._  
  
 **Gabriel: I wish you were deep inside me. It's killing me that you're still away. I wish I could be where you are right now.**  
  
A shudder ran through Sam's body. He willed himself not to picture being buried within Gabriel's slicked and stretched body. A glance at his watch told him he didn't have the time to imagine the scenario lest he be late returning to court.  
  
 _Sam: Recess over. I'll let you know later how it's progressing so we can find out when I can come home._  
  
****  
  
 _Six weeks later_  
  
Gabriel was vibrating, damn near bouncing, as he waited in the airport. Sam's plane had landed, the screen in the airport said, and they would be in the terminal soon. He was so anxious after such a long stretch away from his partner he could barely stand it. Then, finally.  
  
"Sammy," he cried out. No shame in him, he flung himself on the other man once he was within a reasonable distance.  
  
Sam laughed into Gabriel's hair, a muffled "hey" coming out as he did. Gabriel inhaled deeply, took in the scent of the larger man as his nose was pressed against the broad plain of Sam's chest.  
  
"Fuck." Gabriel growled when he was back on the ground, released from the bear hug. His hands were tight fists against Sam's shirt, tugging him downward.  
  
"Easy tiger." Sam smirked at him, let his hands cup gently around his hips.  
  
"A little sympathy, please." Gabriel waggled his eyebrows, up on his toes, lips puckered in a fish like manner. Sam, humoured, couldn't resist, ducking himself down to share a kiss with Gabriel.  
  
He tried to pull away quickly, keep it chaste, but Gabriel had removed a hand from his shirt to grip his neck firmly. "Gabe, c'mon, we're in public." It was garbled against Gabriel's mouth and the smaller man sighed, annoyed.  
  
"Don't leave me hanging, Sammy, give me some. You were gone nearly two months, or did you forget that?" Again, he stretched upwards on his toes, hand pushing Sam down to him. "We could go into a bathroom here, hm?"  
  
"Gabriel!" It was shocked, came out as a hiss, and Sam's fingers were pressing tightly into Gabriel's sides now.  
  
"I know you missed me too. Didn't you? Don't you want to feel me around you again? How about just my mouth. Don't you want that red, velvet tongue against you after so long of not having it?" Gabriel punctuated the lewd comment with a swipe of his tongue along the shell of Sam's ear. He was straining just to reach it, his nip a fierce bite as he dropped down from his extended height to look into Sam's face.  
  
"You're such a filthy slut." Gravel, frustration, but heat and arousal under the mask of it. "This isn't the place." With that Sam pulled Gabriel back, creating a much needed gap of cool air between the bodies.  
  
"Don't give me all that shy shit." Gabriel looked affronted but seemed to give in. "I don't wanna play games here, Sammy. As soon as we get home I get that sweetness."  
  
"Gabriel," Sam snorted, "I'll pour my sugar all over you when we get home. I promise."  
  
"All over?" Gabe purred, a suggestive eyebrow disappearing behind his messy dirty-blonde hair. It needed a trim.   
  
"I'm your man, babe." Sam glanced left, glanced right, reached out a hand to pat Gabriel's ass lightly. "I'm gonna give you all the loving you can stand and you can have as many loads of sugar as you want. Can't wait to watch it melt off of you in the backyard."  
  
"Sammy," he whimpered, "you're hot like a southern California day."  
  
"You tacky fucking weirdo." Sam laughed loudly. He gripped his luggage tightly in one hand, the other finding one of Gabriel's hands. "Lets go. Where's the car?" 


	4. In Your Pocket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel gets grumpy and Sam finds out things that will break his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Switches to present tense because, I don't know, I was getting frustrated with past tense for some reason. Please note that we're getting time jumps here (they've been dating almost 3 years in this chapter). It's not just all BAM! Love, angst, etc.

Sam gasps as the cold air hits his skin. He turns away from the shower head, blinks the water from his eyes. "Gabriel?"  
  
"Who's Kevin?" Gabriel stands, dressed, hands on his hips as he glares daggers into Sam. For what seems like the only time in Sam's  known memory, he was naked before Gabe without being ogled like a piece of meat.  
  
"What? He's a lawyer. Why are y-"  
  
"Since when do you make weekend plans for dinner and drinks with your coworkers?" He looks righteous in that moment, the glow of the bathroom lights a halo behind his head.  
  
Sam rolls his eyes, turns back into the warm spray of the water. "Since he's not a coworker. He works for a different firm. Naomi, you know, Naomi? Head of the firm? She asked me to take him out, impress him, try to get him to join us. He's new and young and on a hot streak."  
  
Gabriel huffs, loud enough that Sam can hear it over the water. He slams the glass door behind him, leaving a sighing Sam to finish washing himself. When he's done, he wraps a crisp white towel around his hips. Why had he let Gabriel keep their shared home looking like a hotel?   
  
"Gabriel." It's irritated, it's ready to start in on the other man, "why are you mad at me?" Sam has always had a more manageable temper than his lover, however, so he lets himself ask the question and is willing to hear the answer, but something stops him. His body tightens, hair up like the hackles of an aggravated dog, and then, "wait."  
  
Gabriel is a storm. His hair curled away from his face, shining from the way the California sun bleaches it, eyes dark and full of unfounded rage. He hasn't attempted to speak, had glanced at Sam and pointedly looked away when he noticed his attire or lack there of. He looks back now, one eyebrow raised and nostrils flared as if to say _what?_  
  
"Why were you going through my phone?"  
  
That's all it takes. It sets everything off in a downward spiral. They both erupt like a young, wild volcano because this has been building. This has been simmering under the surface for longer than Sam cares to admit.  
  
"Because."  
  
 _"Because?"_ Sam's teeth are clenched together. Gabriel can be such a girl when it comes to an argument.  
  
"I don't trust you." Now Gabriel is staring at Sam head on, his eyes flickering down once. "Put some fucking clothes on."  
  
Sam does. Happily. He turns his back to Gabriel as he slides into first a pair of boxer-briefs and then a pair of slim fitting jeans. Next comes a plain white t-shirt, the neck cut in a V. It hugs his body and yeah, maybe Sam could have picked clothing that didn't get Gabriel's blood running south but he enjoys seeing the way it makes the older man bite his cheek unhappily. They're such children.  
  
"Fuck you." Gabriel's sharp as a tack. He crosses his arms over his chest, defensive, and juts a hip out. He thinks it looks like he's disinterested, but it's too forced of a pose for Sam to ever believe that. "You've been so busy lately. So many late nights. There's no way you're just suddenly some big shot."  
  
"Right." Sam's lips are pursed and he has a million things he wants to say but nothing is coming out. He hesitates, thoughts pounding at the front of his brain, and then something specific jumps out. "So you're spying on me? Looking through my phone instead of just asking? I couldn't possibly be doing well, no. Couldn't be that."  
  
"You'd lie to me, I know you would. That's why I had to find out myself." He's not looking at Sam. He's staring off to the side, and Sam knows that quiver of his lip when he sees it.   
  
"Try to control your ego," Sam says. He used to fall for those tears every time Gabriel started them up but it's been twenty some years of friendship and nearly three as a couple now and Sam can tell when they're real and when they're not. These tears are to make him give in, not ones of genuine upset.   
  
"It's not my fault I love you, Sam!" He throws his hands up, as if that's the obvious logic.  
  
"That's not the way you show love." He inhales. It's sharp; his nose stings. "Don't you go crying at me. I have never lied to you, you know that. There's no reason to go through my phone."  
  
"You never told me about Kevin."  
  
"There's nothing to tell, Gabriel! Christ-" Sam pauses. His eyes narrow. _"Show me your phone."_  
  
Gabe freezes, he's a cat. His back is up and he's shrinking away, claws out, all without moving from his spot. It's the smallest flinch but Sam sees everything in it. "No."  
  
"No?" He steps forward, towards Gabriel, and stretches out his arm, palm up. "Show me your phone."  
  
"I-" Gabriel looks to the outstretched hand, "don't have it."  
  
"I know it's in your pocket. It's _always_ in your pocket. In fact, I don't think you've ever left it anywhere I could possibly snoop through it like you've apparently been doing to me." His eye's are still narrow, still judging, still questioning.   
  
"I'm not showing you my phone, Sam. Unlike you, I don't have anything to hide." Gabriel looks at him then, right in the eye, face hard. "It's obvious," he says after an extended pause, "you're cheating on me."  
  
Sam feels like a cartoon character whose eyes have bulged out of his skull. "What?" He shouts it, eyes so wide they throb. Gabriel nods, as if he's had some sort of epiphany, and he's opening his mouth to say something but Sam doesn't allow it. He's leaping forward before Gabe can stop him, and he's fighting his way into the smaller mans pants pocket.   
  
There's a struggle, both men grunting, and Gabriel is exerting everything in him to try and stop Sam but Sam is much larger, much stronger. He's kneeling on Gabriel's hands, heavy weight making the fingers go white and he has Gabriel's phone out, in his own hands, cradling it, ready to take his thumb and swipe.   
  
"You think that I don't know what this is really all about?" Sam is looking past the phone into Gabriel's face. The panic there is evident. "I mean, it should be really easy if you have nothing to hide, right Gabriel?"  
  
Gabriel is shaking his head and for a second Sam feels scared. Horrified. But he steels himself because if there's something to find it's better that he does than try spare himself this heartache. So he swipes right on the screen and it has a pass code. Sam scoffs, enraged, but tries Gabriel's brothers birthday, year and month, and the phone is unlocked for him. He scans the icons, decides where to start. Calls? No. Apps? Why bother. He goes right to the text messages and for a second he actually wonders if Gabriel is stupid because there is a list of every contact he's ever texted there, going back to over a year ago. Doesn't the man know what the delete function is for? It's as if he believed himself too smart to be caught.  
  
"Sam," Gabriel whimpers, pathetic, fingers scratching and flexing at Sam's knees. "You're hurting me," he tries.  
  
"I'm hurting you?" Sam whispers. He clicks a name he doesn't recognize. The texts seem innocent enough but Sam is no fool. He clicks details and the phone begins to load the shared photos. Sam instantly feels sick to his stomach. "I- I can't believe..." He gets off of Gabriel, because he doesn't want this man's body anywhere near his now. "I can't believe," he starts again, "you just looked me in the fucking eye and told me you have nothing to hide."  
  
Sam is the storm now, tearing the drawers open and grabbing fistfuls of assorted clothes. He's slamming them into his suitcase that's still open from the last trip away for a trial he had. Gabriel's talking behind him, saying things Sam can't hear over the pounding in his ears of his own heart and then his ears are ringing and he's closing the luggage when Gabriel's hand lands on his elbow, grasping too tight.  
  
"Sam. Sam, I love you." His fingers are leaving dents in Sam's skin now and Sam is trying to shake him off. Finally, he grabs Gabriel's wrist and rips it from him. There's angry red marks where the hand had been but Sam doesn't even notice them.  
  
"You don't know what love is." He pushes past Gabriel, who uses all of his small stature he can to attempt to block the way out the door. "You're dead to me, Gabriel. Goodbye."  
  
Sam doesn't hesitate. Doesn't look back. Hears Gabriel crying and yes, he knows that sniffling is real in this moment and rather than the deep down ache it usually gives to see his best friend and lover hurt it turns to acid in his gut and he feels satisfied. He feels relieved. He feels happy to know Gabriel is hurting. Sam's just glad to know he isn't the only one. 


	5. Animals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel knows exactly what to say to get what he wants from Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters in a day? Whaaaaat? It's crazy how much you get accomplished when your parents babysit.

Sam is trying to get in and out quickly. He realizes he came at the wrong time when he hears, in another part of the house, the a door shutting. "Shit," he mutters when he realizes his shoes are at the front door. His shoulders are tense as he continues to pack his things. Nothing Gabriel can say will change how he feels. He knows that.  
  
"Sam." It's soft, it's sad, and Sam wants so badly to turn around and look at Gabriel but he can't bring himself to do it. Maybe he's not sure there's nothing Gabriel can say. The man has been with him nearly his whole life in one capacity or another and the past couple of weeks since he moved in with Dean and Lisa have been excruciating. They're so happy all the time, so in love. They've been trying not to show it in front of Sam but they can't help themselves. Soulmates is the word that comes to mind when he sees them together.  
  
"I'm packing my shit," he finally says, "go out and see your whore for a while longer. I'll be gone once you get back."  
  
A step forward. "Sammy, I'm sorry." Before Sam knows what's happening Gabriel's arms have circled around his waist and his nose is between Sam's shoulders, inhaling deeply. "I missed the way you smell." Sam's chest aches and he's frozen in place, a valiant effort not to be swayed by the gesture.  
  
"What are you trying to do to me?" Sam realizes he sounds wrecked and that the clogged feeling in his throat is from tears trying to make their way up and out of his body.   
  
"I know we fight a lot." Gabriel's hand is rubbing slowly up and down, from the top of Sam's pants to just below his pecs. It's soothing, and Sam hates that. "It's like we can't stop, like we're enemies. But Sam, you can't deny it..." Gabriel drifts off, and that's when his fingers go a little too low, and a little too high, and Sam has to suppress a whimper at the sound of Gabe's nails raking over the denim that covers his lap. "We get along when you're inside me."   
  
Sam tries to pull forward, pull away, deny what Gabriel says but Gabriel's grip is firm, and hot, and Sam knows that their sex was the best he'd had whether he wants to admit that or not. _Practice_ , he reminds himself, _because Gabriel gets so much practice._  
  
"You can try to cut me out, Sam." His fingers have moved now, one hand cupping his chest and the other, much to Sam's dismay, has already freed the button from his fly and is pulling the zipper down at such a rate that Sam's heart beats in time with the sound of the teeth separating. His cock twitches and he winces and Gabriel's expert fingers pinch his nipple through the fabric of his shirt. "I'm like a drug, Sam. You get _so high_ when you're inside me, baby."  
  
"I'm not interested, Gabe."  The protest sounds weak even to Sam's ears but Sam wants to mean it so badly.  
  
"You can try to start over." Another pinch from Gabe. A soft inhale from Sam. "You can run free." A hand snakes under the jeans now but rather than touch Sam it's pushing downward and his pants are lower, waist sitting against the bottom hem of his underwear. "After all, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But you'd only be lying to yourself if you really think you can stay away from me." Now Gabriel grazes Sam's cock, over the ultra soft and far too thin cotton, and Sam's weak. He knows this because the tiniest moans escapes him but in the silent room its deafening.   
  
"I can still hear the sounds you make and someone else is going to get them out of you too but you'll be pretending it was me." Gabriel lets go of Sam then, steps away and Sam feels cold, alone. "You can run but it won't be enough. I'm stuck in your head. Do what you want, lie to yourself. Lie to me and I'll eat your words up but don't deny what comes alive inside of you when you're inside of me."  
  
Sam turns his head, eyes cast over his shoulder onto the floor and he can see Gabriel's shadow but not the man himself and it shakes him to the core that he wants to look up, look into the face of the person who devastated him. He breathes deep and turns awkwardly with his pants where they are. The shift makes them fall, stopping just above his knees and when Sam looks into Gabriel's face he realizes that all of Gabe's attention is on the denim that desperately clings to his legs.   
  
"Don't lie to yourself, Sam." Gabriel takes a step closer, pulls his shirt over his head and discards it in one fluid motion. "We're all just animals."   
  
Sam groans, hates the words he's hearing, hates how Gabriel is trying to justify his actions. He wants to leave but finds, instead, that he's gripping the edge of his shirt, hefting it over his head. His eyes find Gabriel's and he sees them flash, as if to say _gotcha_ and Sam's embarrassed, so disappointed in himself, but Gabriel's right. He's like a drug.   
  
"You can't deny it," Gabriel whispers, in Sam's space now, a hand flat on the middle of his chest. "The beast." His hand trails down, down, "inside of you." His lips twist in his trademark smirk and Sam's angry in the moment he grips Gabriel's pants and he doesn't bother to unfasten the khaki's instead opting to rip them down. The button flies off, hitting his belly before it lands of the floor somewhere.  "That's right."   
  
Gabriel's trying to coax that side out of him and Sam's happy to oblige, happy to give into his animal instincts. His own pants are kicked away and they're on the bed and Sam is on his back, laying flat, Gabriel on his lap above him and Sam squeezes his eyes shut moments later when the smaller man's heat surrounds his cock. He throbs inside of him, feels the slickness of his body, and he wills himself not to notice Gabriel didn't bother to prep himself because he was already stretched out, already ready. His eyes are screwed shut so tightly he sees little white dots through the black. His grip is too much, nails breaking the skin they clutch. If it hurts Gabriel doesn't let on.  
  
He happily bounces away on top of Sam, murmuring how he missed him and he's glad he's back and Sam's amazed he doesn't throw up when he feels Gabriel's cum, hot and thick, splashing onto his torso. Normally, the constricting feeling of Gabriel around him is enough to send him over the edge but this time Sam doesn't even notice the squeeze. He wants it to end, though, so he leans Gabriel's body forward, so they're chest to chest and pushes up on his feet so his knees touch the back of Gabriel's thighs and he pounds into him relentlessly until, finally, with a strangled moan, he spills into Gabriel's greedy hole. This time there is the taste of bile in his mouth and Gabriel is still talking about how good it is to have him home when he dresses in silence, grabs his packed box, and heads out the door. 


	6. Maps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean tries to give Sam some brotherly advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written all but the last two chapters and I feel stuck. I need to do some re-writes. Sorry there's no real flow of when I post.

Sam walks into the house and he's barely gotten his shoes off when he hears "Oh Sam" and it's sympathetic and it's followed up with a hug.  
  
"Am I that obvious?" He asks Lisa when his own arms drape around her tiny shoulders.  
  
"Yes," she says, and when she pulls away, "Dean!"  
  
Sam doesn't move from the door. Instead, he puts his shoes back on because he knows what Dean's going to say and he knows what Dean's going to do.  
  
"Yeah, Lis?" Sam offers his brother a half smile when he sees him and Dean offers him a frown right back. "Awe, goddammit, Sammy," he says, and he's stalking over to the door to put his own shoes on.  
  
"I'll pick up Ben," Lisa tells Dean. She leans up to kiss him sweetly on the lips and Sam has to look away when Dean's entire face lights up at that. _Soulmates_ , his brain supplies.  
  
"Love you," he tells her softly. When he turns to Sam that softness is gone, replaced with disappointment. "Lets go," he grunts. He brushes past Sam and it's all Sam can do to keep his face expressionless as he follows Dean out to the driveway and into Dean's car. The Impala was their fathers and it had been passed onto Dean when John had gotten himself a pick up truck. Sam, big shot lawyer that he was, bought himself something brand new.  
  
"Dean-"  
  
"No, Sammy. Shut up until we're on the road, okay?" Dean's backing the car out of the driveway and he wastes no time in getting to the highway. They're not going anywhere, not really. They'll drive, hit another city, get a beer or maybe a burger, and then they'll come back. Dean always does his best listening and his best advice giving in the car he affectionately named Baby.

"Okay," he eventually says.  
  
"Dean, I'm fine." Sam's face contorts, nose scrunched up.  
  
"No you're not, Sam. Don't you give me that bitchy face." His face falls and Dean hadn't so much as glanced at him to know he'd done it. "Now you tell me what happened."  
  
"I went to get my stuff." Sam shrugs and leans against the passenger window, the glass cool against his forehead.  
  
"And?"  
  
"And what?"  
  
"Come on, Sammy, I thought you were the smart one in the family." Dean slams a hand on the steering wheel and Baby roars loudly as he accelerates.  
  
"Dean, you-"  
  
"No. You're the smart one. You went to Stanford. You're the big shot lawyer. You make more money than Lis and I combined. Don't you start in on me with that I'm just as smart crap. Gabriel is a douche bag, Sam. Now you either start talking or I'll just run down the list of options until I hit the right thing."  
  
Sam sighs because he knows Dean will do exactly that. "I slept with him." He mutters it, facing away, and he hopes Dean doesn't hear him but the radio is off and the windows are up and Dean's hearing is perfect despite all the loud rock music he's listened to over the years.  
  
"Oh for the love of- are you fucking kidding me?" Dean groans loudly, switches lanes without so much as a shoulder check. "Why the hell- What were you thinking."  
  
"He just... He knows what to say, Dean. What to do. He..." Sam shrugs again, shuts his eyes. He tries not to think about how Gabriel seems to know how to push every button on him just right.  
  
"No shit, Sam! He's a manipulative whore."  
  
"Dean!"  
  
"No. I know he's your best friend, Sam. I get it, okay? But just because he's a good friend doesn't mean he can't be a terrible partner. You knew he was a slut and you thought oh, we're friends, he won't do it to me. But he did and look at you now. You're miserable. You say you're going to leave and you pack your things and you swore you didn't need me to come with you but I should have so you wouldn't have just fallen for the same old trick again. This isn't healthy, Sam."  
  
"I know that," he mumbles. He inhales deeply, lets it out slow through his nose. "He," and Sam hesitates, ashamed, but he needs to get it off his chest, "he'd been with someone else. He'd come home from- from wherever- and I could tell. He felt-"  
  
"TMI, Sam," Dean interjects. "That's disgusting. Did you at least use a condom? Tell me you used a condom."  
  
"We never used them," Sam says, and that's when the car lurches off at the nearest exit and they haven't gone all that far and Dean is breathing heavily, angry, when he pulls into the first parking lot he can and parks Baby.  
  
"Okay, I take it back. I'm the smartest one in the family." Dean runs a tired hand over his face, stares hard out the windshield as he tries to assess the situation. "I got nothing," he admits after a swell of silence.  
  
"I miss the conversation." Sam peers up at Dean now, from his slightly crumpled position on the passengers side of the car, "we used to have such a sweet life together. We had it all, Dean."  
  
"Yeah, and then you stuck your dick in him and it all went to shit, didn't it?" Dean's face is stiff, lips pursed tight.  
  
Sam knows that disapproving look; he saw it on John's face so many times through his childhood and suddenly Sam feels like a kid again and he cries. He cries like a child getting their heart broken for the first time, losing their best friend when they hit high school and meet new people, telling someone they love them to find out it's unrequited and Sam realizes that in Gabriel, in his leaving, all these things are happening to him all at once.  
  
"I was always there for him," he grits out. His teeth hurt as he clenches them tightly, fights the sobs that threaten to choke him, "no matter how dark and shit his life got I was there, Dean! And where was he? I'm at my worst now, and my best friend doesn't have my back. Where is he? Off-off fucking God knows who. He would go through person after person and he'd always come running back to me at the end. I thought I was something special. He told me I was."  
  
Dean reaches a hand out, touches Sam's knee. "Hey," he whispers, and it's so gentle it finally does rip the tears right out of Sam's eyes. "Sammy, you've got to get over him."  
  
His face itches where the hot tracks of salty liquid slip downward and he shakes his head, wipes his running nose furiously. "I can hear his voice in my sleep at night. He's so tempting and I couldn't resist him. How could I possibly get over him? He's always been in my life. I can't get over him."  
  
Dean grips his face tightly now, palms cool against his over heating face. He knows he's bright red, knows he must look such a mess. "Yes you can, Sam." He attempts to shake his head but Dean holds him still. "For God sake, Sammy, look at what he's done to you. Don't go back to him."  
  
"I love him," Sam says, as if that's something final and beautiful and strong. "I want to go back home."  
  
It's not up for debate and Dean knows that. He doesn't argue. He'll let Sam make his own mistakes until he finally sees the light and stays away from Gabriel for good. Both Winchester boys were always hardheaded and so stubborn and Dean feels like a hypocrite to tell Sam he can't be with Gabriel because yeah, the guys a slut, but until he started boning his brother Dean liked the guy enough. Bit of a loud mouth, bit too flamboyant, bit too much of everything for Dean's liking but he made Sam happy and kept him company and they did everything together so Dean let it be. Now, he has to let it be again until Sam figures this one out on his own.  
  
"Okay," he says, "lets just get some food and I'll take you back home. Stay with Lisa and I at least tonight. Ben's loved having his uncle around." Sam nods and Dean knows that's all the answer he's going to get right now. 


	7. New Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam wants to forgive Gabriel but not without some tough love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at smut. Seriously, I'm way better at the real thing than I am at writing it. HA. I apologize. I'm terrible.  
> Also, these guys are not nice people. They both have major issues. There's some degrading dirty talk so if that makes you uncomfortable here's your heads up!

Gabriel feels a wave of relief wash over him when the front door opens and shuts. He hurries out of the kitchen and into the living room to greet a wary looking Sam. He waits; Sam is staring at him like he has something important to say.  
  
"This ends now, Gabriel." Sam tosses his wallet onto the couch, followed by his phone and jacket. Gabriel's heart skips a beat and his stomach drops. He moves so he's pressed flush with the back of the couch as if the few feet of material is a barricade. Sam opens his mouth and shuts it twice before words exit it. "You're can either have me or you can have- _them_ \- but you can't have both."  
  
"Oh Sammy." Gabriel pulls himself over the back of the couch and he stands on the soft cushions. His feet sink, unsteady, and he throws his arms in a loop around Sam's neck, wobbly, but Sam immediately grasps his sides to help keep him balanced. Gabriel smiles so wide his cheeks ache despite the dejected look on Sam's face. "I missed you. When you left yesterday I didn't think you were coming back. I'll be whatever you like, Sammy. I promise. I just want to show you my feelings are real."  
  
"Tell me why." There's no emotion in it and when Gabriel tries to search Sam's face he's looking over his shoulder somewhere into the distance as if that will help him stay strong. Gabe's arms slither away from Sam and he drops to a sitting position. Sam quickly joins him, same distant face, hands folded in his lap.  
  
"Why what?" Gabriel knows exactly what Sam's talking about but if he can prevent this conversation from happening he will. He leans over, finger tracing down Sam's cheek. "We don't need to talk about this, baby. It won't ever happen again."  
  
"Yeah we do, Gabe. I need to know why. You give me this big heartfelt speech all the time about how I'm the one and then you're out fucking whoever the hell- and what a stupid name Balathazar is- and you're out fucking him. So why?" Sam's jaw twitches from the contact so Gabriel drops his hand, brings both to his knees and holds them tight.  
  
"I've just spent my whole life living it up, you know that. I was falling in love with a new person every night because I could." Sam's body visibly stiffens and Gabriel rushes into his next sentence, trying to correct his wrong, "but I've finally seen the light! You're the only person I want to love. Every night. I fall back in love with you every night, Sammy."  
  
Sam laughs, hollow and hurt, "so if I'm away for a night you go find someone new then? Is that how it works? Because I love my job, Gabriel, and I'm not going to stop taking cases out of town just to make sure you stay faithful to me. You're supposed to be my best friend and I've never felt so let down by anyone in my life."  
  
That one hurts Gabriel because he knows how many times John Winchester, A+ parent that he was, let Sam down. He knows how Sam's closest friend in Stanford, Jessica, let him down when she said she didn't really have feelings for him despite the years they shared together there. He swallows the ball of hurt he feels building in his throat down because with it comes anger that Sam could say that to him. "Would it kill you to forgive me?" Some of his anger seeps through but it mostly sounds like desperation. "This is all new to me."  
  
Sam's head turns, face tight, and for a second it almost looks like he might forgive Gabriel but then he's standing up and clutching his jacket and Gabriel scrambles. He grabs Sam by his shirt, whimpers, and then Sam finally does look at him.  
  
"Sam please! I'm-I'm a slave to the way that you move. You're just so sexy and it makes my blood run so hot in my veins and my libido gets so high and I've never wanted anyone like I want you. It scares me. I thought I had to go out and-" Gabriel cuts himself off, eyes wide and pleading, "you're not the only one here who feels like they're on a drug. I'm an addict for all that you do. I need you and I can tell that you need me too."  
  
The only thing Gabriel knows how to do right is confident and cocky. This begging isn't working, he sees that, so he switches tactics. He stands up beside Sam, grips his forearms tightly and shoves the larger man so he's back on the couch. Sam's caught off guard and he goes down easily. Gabriel takes advantage of that moment of shock to crawl into Sam's lap. He straddles him, cups his face in both his hands so Sam can't look away.  
  
"I can tell that you need my love," he whispers, "and all I want is to give it to you." If it worked the other day, Gabriel figures, why wouldn't it work now? "You can't give up on us now. You'll regret it the rest of your life." He leans in, brushes his lips over Sam's cheek and then his jaw and finally his ear. Sam tenses and shivers. Gabriel knows his most sensitive spots.  
  
"I'm not your enemy." His mouth is still against the shell of Sam's ear and every movement of his lips makes him squirm a little more. Gabriel knows he's winning. "I know I lied, but it won't kill you to forgive me and I'm not going to go anywhere until you do." Gabriel punctuates this fact with a roll of his hips downward and he's not the slightest bit shocked that Sam's body bucks upwards to meet him.  
  
"Gabriel." It comes out whiny and wanting but Sam's still not touching him so Gabriel takes it upon himself to change that. His fingers wrap delicately around Sam's wrists and bring them up; first to his hips, then around to the curve of his ass. Sam groans. Sam squeezes. Sam will always fall for his body, Gabriel knows. It's the best thing he has going for him.  
  
"If I ever let you down," Gabriel whispers, lips against Sam's now, "you forgive me."  
  
Sam nods, but he opens his mouth against Gabriel's to whisper back, "don't let me down again." He's serious as a heart attack in that moment, whether Gabriel believes it or not.  
  
"I won't." Gabriel's fingers find Sam's hair, nails scraping over his scalp and Sam lets out a small cry of pleasure at the sensation. He's so over sensitized from all the emotions that every little ministration sends his reeling.  
  
"You'd better not." Sam sounds tired in that moment and all the fight leaves his body.  
  
He forms easily against Gabriel, hands traveling up his back, under his t-shirt. Gabriel instantly lifts his arms, Sam's fingers staying pressed along every inch of them as he slides the shirt up and off. Gabriel mimics his motions but when Sam is freed of the material Gabriel dips his head down to find the base of Sam's throat and licks a hot stripe over the swell of his adams apple and up to the bolt of his jaw. When Sam shivers Gabriel grins. His tongue goes higher, sinks into Sam's ear once to trace the shape of it before he pulls back and Sam is achingly, embarrassingly hard already from the small touches.  
  
"Don't wanna fuck you," he manages, head lolled back as Gabriel's mouth explores everything from his lips to his nipples to his collar and back.  
  
"Whatever you want, baby," Gabriel hums out. It's a lie. Gabriel will get what he wants.

His spine arches outward in a bow as he creates a small gap between their bodies. Trained fingers work quickly to undo both sets of pants and with some awkward shimmies and tugs both their cocks are exposed, pulled through the flies of their respective underwear.  
  
Gabriel grips his own cock first, strokes it a few times slowly, squeezing on every upward motion to force a small bead of precum out. One drop is all he gets but he runs his thumb over it, collects it, and presses that thumb against Sam's lips. They part and take the digit in, soaking it with saliva as Sam savors the texture and taste of it.  
  
"So pretty," he whispers. Sam whines softly at the compliment and raises his hips up. When he does, his cock brushes against the length of Gabriel's own and both men gasp at the contact. It's too much and not enough all at once. "Are you _sure_ you don't want to fuck me?" Gabriel asks this as he wraps a hand around Sam, touch feather light and enough to drive the man below him insane.  
  
"You need a cock in you that bad?" Sam slides a hand into Gabriel's hair that quickly becomes a tight fist and he pulls back too harshly. Gabriel hisses,stretching his neck long as he can to ease the pressure on his scalp. "You do, don't you?"  
  
Gabriel attempts a nod but it's difficult with Sam's firm grasp on him.  
  
_"Say it,"_ Sam growls out. "Tell me what a needy slut you are."  
  
Gabriel sounds excited and out of breath. "I-I'm a needy slut." Sam likes to be in control but he rarely talks dirty and never in a degrading way before. He figures Sam just needs to work through the infidelity in his own way but a small part of him is aroused by it.  
  
"Mm, yeah you are. Go get the stuff."  
  
Gabriel is off like a rocket, out of Sam's lap and into the bedroom and he has lube and he's back in the living room, standing before Sam, erection flagging from the separation but one look at the now completely nude Sam has it straining against his underwear and he doesn't need any more of a hint to follow suit. His clothes end up in a messy pile along with Sam's off to the side of the couch and then he's reaching his arm forward, offering the lube to Sam, who simply raises an eyebrow at him.  
  
"You want it, you prep yourself. You're the one who needs my dick, aren't you?"  
  
Gabriel smiles cheekily but inside his stomach churns. He wants Sam to stay this time though, so he thinks his best bet is to put on a show for his younger lover. Gabriel shuffles backward until his knees hit the coffee table and he drapes himself over it, one foot on the floor and one on the table so he can reach a lubed up finger behind his leg and circle it around his puckered hole before thrusting it in.  
  
Sam smiles at this, seemingly pleased at the sight and one of his hands wraps in a loose fist, moving lazily over his cock as he watches the scene. Gabriel doesn't need time to adjust to one fingers intrusion and another is in a minute later, his body making a 'C' shape as he leans to one side for better penetration of himself.  
  
Sam's hand speeds up and then he squeezes the base of his cock tight. "Hurry up. I'm going to cum if you don't put yourself to use."  
  
Gabriel is before Sam again, raising one knee to straddle him when Sam raises a hand, plants it flat and huge on Gabriel's chest. "Sam?" His brows furrow together in confusion.  
  
"Turn around. You wanna act like a slut I can treat you like one."  
  
"Sam..." Gabriel waits, scans Sam to see if he's serious and when he sees the man shrug at him and begin to move his fist again he turns around so fast it makes him dizzy. He reaches behind him, his hand finding Sam's stomach. Gabriel spread his legs so that his thighs are boxing Sam's in. The hand that had been on Sam's stomach now angled his cock so that Gabriel could seat himself on it. He treated it like a band-aid, taking it to the base in one quick motion.  
  
Sam lets out a soft gasp, his fingers wrapping around Gabriel's thighs. "Up."  
  
Gabriel obliges, his hands finding the couch so that he can leverage himself over Sam. The taller man lifts Gabriel at the ankle, places the blonde mans feet on his thighs. Gabriel shifts, dropping an arm around Sam's shoulders so that his body twists at an angle that allows him to look into his lovers face. His other arm is back against the couch still and his thighs burn as he lifts himself up, up, nearly off of Sam. He stays there for a moment, hips turning in the smallest of circles and he can feel Sam's cock head tugging at his rim.  
  
Sam moans and Gabriel lets out a strangled sound as he's pulled back down by Sam and then the pace is set by Sam, fast and harsh, the thrusts shallow so that Gabriel never gets what he needs from them. His erection swings, ignored, in the air and Gabriel leans his weight all back onto Sam so he can free a hand to wrap around it but Sam grabs his wrist in the middle of the air and slams it back down.  
  
"No," he hisses. "You love cock so much, you filthy whore. That's all you get."  
  
"O-Okay, Sam." Gabriel is breathless, too out of shape to stay in the position and he almost wants to thank Sam when he shifts him. His hands find the back of Gabriel's knees, pulling them up. His hands don't stay there though. They go lower, to his calves and lower still until his fingers wrap like handcuffs around Gabriel's ankles and the smaller mans legs are spread wide in the air, straightened fully and his thighs still burn but Gabriel is bent in half and Sam is bucking up into him and then the angle is suddenly _right_.  
  
"Sam!" He cries out.  
  
"Yeah? You like that?" Sam is relentless. He pounds up too aggressively and if he weren't hitting Gabriel's prostate Gabriel knows he'd be feeling too sore to let this continue.  
  
"Yes," he says, because it's important to let Sam have this, he figures.  
  
"You love my cock, don't you? Tell me you love it."  
  
"Yes! Yes, I love it." Gabriel bounces, his stomach tight, his neglected cock still swinging wildly and he wants so badly to grip it and bring himself over the edge. Bring himself another pleasure to outweigh the discomfort.  
  
"So much better than his, isn't it?"  
  
Gabriel whimpers, turns his head to the side. Tears spring to his eyes and he clenches them closed. His voice is straining as he says "yes Sam."  
  
"So much bigger, too," Sam says and Gabriel says "so much bigger" and he hopes Sam is done because he doesn't like this at all anymore and this isn't his Sam, this is some power hungry male he doesn't know.  
  
"I'm gonna fill you up with my cum. You're mine, Gabriel."  
  
"Yours," Gabriel agrees, and then Sam lets his ankles go and his legs collapse and their bodies are flush against each other from shoulder to knee and Sam grinds up into him, slow. "Oh _fuck_." Gabriel's hips rotate, making sure he doesn't lose any of the skin on skin they're sharing in that moment.  
  
"What do you want?" Sam's voice is softer now but it still reeks of enraged alpha male and Gabriel's not sure he's supposed to actually answer so he doesn't. It's the right choice. "You wanna cum?"  
  
Gabe nods anxiously, entire body filling up with relief when Sam puts a hand around his aching cock. It's leaking more precum than it ever has before and something in Gabriel hates that his body loves the abuse Sam is subjecting him to.  
  
"Slut," Sam says, and then, "you're my little cum dumpster." Gabriel grinds and grinds, hips making figure eights in Sam's lap and he can tell Sam is getting close from the way his hips are starting to stutter and despite the situation that brings Gabriel close too.  
  
"Gonna-" He moans low and long as Sam twists his hand around the head of his cock. "Can I please cum?" He asks instead.  
  
Sam lets out a little breathless laugh, twists his hand again. "Yeah, that's my boy." The hand that isn't on Gabe's cock finds his face and Sam turns it sharply. Their lips meet in a harsh kiss that's more teeth than anything else and Gabriel wishes he could let Sam know in that moment that he never kisses any of his one night stands but all thought is lost.  
  
Sam is cumming and with it his hand squeezes tight and his teeth clamp down. They clamp right into Gabriel's lip. They sink right through it and Gabriel yells out in agony. His body tenses, his own orgasm over taking him. He can't enjoy the feeling of his seed spilling over Sam's hand because there's blood trickling down his chin and into his mouth and Gabriel makes an unhappy noise.  
  
One of his elbows flies backwards furiously into Sam and the larger man releases his lip with a ragged gasp. Gabriel gets out his lap, spinning around to face Sam who looks winded.  
  
"You son of a bitch," he says, holding both his hands over the spot where Gabriel's elbow had hit. There's blood on his mouth too and for a second Gabriel worries for him before he realizes it's all his own.  
  
"Happy?" Gabriel stands there, in all his naked glory, with cum pearling on the head of his cock and blood smeared across his chin with his hands on his hips. He can feel Sam's cum starting to seep out of his asshole onto the backs of his thighs and he needs a shower _right now_. "Stupid prick."  
  
He storms off, leaving a wheezing Sam on the couch. Little does Gabriel know that the adrenaline coursing through him mixed with the angle of his elbow had cracked one of Sam's lower ribs. 


	8. Unkiss Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam finally realizes he can't go on this way.

"Are we going to talk about this?"  
  
Sam looks up from his place at the kitchen table. His laptop is open in front of him and he's reading up on his newest client. With one look at Gabriel's face he knows that it's not a question, it's a statement. He closes the laptop and fans a hand out in front of him as if to say _go ahead_.  
  
"Really, Sam?" Gabriel takes a seat across from him. He plants his palms flat on the table top and leans forward. "You don't have anything to say?" His fingers start an erratic beat against the wood, anxious.  
  
"Not really." Sam sounds as disinterested as he feels. "I fucked you, you broke my rib. What's to talk about?"  
  
Gabriel's fingers scrape the wood now, the noise grating on Sam's last nerve. Gabriel had been trying to have this conversation for two weeks now much to Sam's chagrin.  
  
"Excuse me?" Gabriel looks offended and Sam finds it nothing short of hilarious. "You're gonna act like that's how sex normally goes for us? Really."  
  
"Know what, Gabe? Yeah. I am."  
  
"God you sound just like your brother. Trying to act all casual after you fuck up."  
  
A muscle in Sam's jaw twitches when he bites down on the inside of his cheek. "Maybe you should try to be a little more like your brother. At least Castiel's capable of having a functioning relationship. Oh hey! Just like Dean. Yeah, Gabe, good jab. Really did the trick." Sam rolls his eyes and folds his arms across his chest. _Checkmate_ , he thinks.  
  
"Fine. Be that way. You're an asshole." Gabriel pushes away from the table, feet of the chair scraping on the tile.  
  
"Christ," Sam hisses, "can't you respect _anything_?" He's yellingand he stands up too, too fast, and his chair tips. A dull thud comes from it as it hits the floor. "That's the issue though, isn't it?"  
  
Gabriel's eyes are slits as he attempts to read Sam. At a loss he asks, "what's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"You don't respect me, Gabriel!"  
  
"Of course I do." Gabriel frowns and he hugs his arms to his chest looking wounded.  
  
"If you did you would stop pretending that this is alright, Gabriel." Sam huffs out a breath and gestures wildly between the two of them. "We're going down, Gabe, and you know it."  
  
Gabriel shakes his head, face tipped down so his expression is unreadable to Sam. "No, we're not. We've just gotta talk it through."  
  
"Gabe," Sam says softly, and then, "don't try to protect me. You can tell me. I can handle it."  
  
"There's nothing to handle," Gabriel whispers, and it sounds like a lie even to him.  
  
"If you wanna let go then just let go, okay? It's disrespectful how you've handled this. You wanted to try it and we did. But you were wrong and sometimes you need to let go of your ego. You're not made to love anyone but yourself. Not this way. You can't stop running around every chance you get. That's just you." Sam steps away from the table, around it, and closer to Gabriel but there's still a gap that keeps him just out of arms reach. Afraid to touch.  
  
"I can." It's indignant. "I told you I'd be faithful and I will." Gabriel opens his arms as if he could will Sam to come that final few steps.  
  
Sam does come to him. One of his large palms wraps around the back of Gabriel's head and brings it to his chest. Gabriel clutches him desperately, hands twisted in the material of his shirt. Sam's other arm trails up and down his spine, soothing.  
  
"I lied to my heart because I thought you felt it but I think our fires gone out here, Gabe. It's okay. You don't have to love me if you don't want to." Sam's whispering this all into Gabriel's messy hair, still erratic from his restless sleep.  
  
"It's okay?" Gabe's still in his chest, trembling. "You're right, Sam. I don't. I don't have to love you. Maybe I never did." His voice drips with bitter sarcasm, challenging Sam's ease in this discussion.  
  
Sam tenses, his hand freezing. Briefly, it curls into an angry fist before Sam unfurls his fingers and pushes himself away from the embrace. "Fuck you," he spits, "don't act like I mean nothing. But hey, if you're going to do that you'd better unkiss me, untouch me, and untake my fucking heart."   
  
"Oh come on, Sammy! Don't be so dramatic!" Gabriel scoffs and folds his arms over his chest, the same stance he takes every time he's in a prissy mood.  
  
"You can't erase this, Gabriel. You can't delete your history here. You know what? I don't need this. I _can't_ handle this. I can feel that you're over us." Sam turns on his heel, stomping out of the room. Where's his suitcase? Why did he ever bring it back here?  
  
"Sam what are you doing? Oh- really?" Gabriel's followed him into the room, voice loud. "You're going to pack up and leave? _Again_?" Gabriel grabs the suitcase when Sam reaches for it and yanks it away.  
  
"Why stay? If I wait here, if I stay here- what's the point of it? We're in pieces because you're over us."  
  
"No I'm not! Goddammit. I made a mistake."  
  
"How many times?" Sam's a straight razor, sharp, his hand on the suitcase right next to Gabriel's now. "Hm?" He tugs it free, snaps it towards him. "How many times did you sleep with this guy?"  
  
"What difference does it make?" Gabriel growls, low and dangerous. He goes for the luggage again and gets a hold of the handle next to Sam's hand once more.  
  
"Let go." Sam suddenly softens and his fingers slip off the handle. It's not important anymore, he realizes. "You- _I've_ got to let go."  
  
Gabriel grunts and he tosses the empty container against the nearest wall. "Fine. Fuck it. Go."  
  
So Sam does.


	9. Leaving California

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam knows it's time to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm starting to not like the end of this story. Then I wrote and edited this whole chapter and my laptop decided to be like LULNO and just randomly shut down so here it is all over again. Friendly reminder that these are not good people.

Gabriel wakes at two in the morning the following Sunday to the sounds of stumbling feet in the dark. He knows that shuffle. Sam's drunk. He sits up in bed, covers around him in a billowing white ring. He waits.  
  
The bedroom door crashes open and Sam makes his way in. He doesn't even seem to notice Gabriel is there. He hits the bed in one big pile of muscular limbs that look too loose to carry his weight anymore.  
  
"Why are you here?" Gabriel says it slowly as if he's afraid to spook Sam.  
  
Sam inhales sharply, slightly alarmed. He makes an odd noise that comes up at the end like a question and he seems a shade more sober when he uses his arms to push himself upright into a sitting position at the end of the bed.  
  
"I'm leavin'," he slurs.  
  
"You already did," Gabriel sighs. He rolls his eyes. He can't keep having this fight.  
  
"I-" Sam hiccups and slams a palm against his face, the sound echoing in the darkened room. "I'm leaving California."  
  
Gabriel turns on the bedside lamp and he can suddenly see how disheveled Sam really is. His hair sticks up messily like it's had sweat and too many hands in it. He stinks of beer and whiskey.  "You're what?"  
  
"I'm gonna head back East. I'm gonna leave tonight." Sam stands up, tries awkwardly to take his shoes off and Gabriel suppresses a frown. Sam never lets them wear shoes in the house.  
  
"That's insane, Sam." Gabriel can't help the instinct to help his spurned lover. He gets up from the bed, dressed in a thin t-shirt and boxers.   
  
Sam's eyes are blurry when Gabriel looks into them. He holds that gaze as his fingers undo Sam's belt.  
  
"Don't touch me," Sam whimpers, and Gabriel knows the blur isn't just the drunken haze but tears that are threatening to fall.  
  
"I'm not. You're drunk. Just going to get you out of your clothes. You need a shower. It's morning. If you want to leave tonight then you do that but first you sleep." Gabriel smiles sadly at him and continues his work when Sam gives a weak nod. Slowly he strips him from everything but his underwear and he's walking Sam into the bathroom where he turns the shower on to a comfortable temperature and then he leaves Sam to figure the rest out on his own.  
  
It doesn't take Gabriel long to fall back asleep listening to the hum of the water. He stirs when the bed dips and he scoots to the side so Sam has the space he needs. He falls back asleep with a lazy smile on his face.  
  
***  
  
Gabriel is shocked out of his sleep by the loud bang of drawers being opened and closed in the bathroom and then in the bedroom.  
  
"Sam?" His voice sounds like he swallowed gravel. He clears it, says again, louder, "Sam? What're you doing?"  
  
"Dean's gonna be here soon, you should probably get dressed. Probably get out." Sam looks too refreshed and for a minute Gabriel envies his ability not to have a hangover before the words click.  
  
"Why is Dean coming here?" He's following orders though and starts sliding into a pair of pants because the last time he greeted Dean without any the guy gave him the birds and the bees speech about his little brother and how to respect him for an hour.  
  
"He's helping me move." Sam never looks up, as if he were talking to someone on speaker phone, alone in the room, and keeps on shuffling things around and when the hell did Sam get more boxes and how did he get so much done without waking Gabriel up sooner?  
  
"Move where, Sam?" Gabriel's standing beside the bed as if walking out in the sea of boxes is the same as stepping into a mine field, an explosive waiting to go off at any moment.   
  
"Gonna head back East."   
  
Gabriel's world crashes down around him. It was drunken ramblings, it wasn't true. How could Sam leave his whole life behind?  
  
"No," Gabriel wails, and he's wading through the mess of the room toward Sam now who finally faces him and he puts a hand forward, palm down, as if trying to calm a spooked animal.  
  
"Don't," he warns, and Gabriel stops.  
  
"You can't run away, Sam." Gabriel tries to use his small stature in his favor and he folds in on himself. "I won't be alright."  
  
Sam snorts at him, eyebrows disappearing behind his hair. "Yeah you will," he says casually, and returns to his packing.   
  
"No," Gabriel repeats, and this time he thinks _fuck it_ and he's into Sam's range and holding his forearm so fast Sam can't stop him. "I won't let go." He squeezes the skin beneath his fingers as if that punctuates his sincerity.  
  
"Gabe, just don't touch me, okay? Dean's going to be mad enough you're around without seeing you getting all grabby and shit." Sam's forcing the nonchalant tone and attitude. Gabriel sees the cracks in his facade when Sam doesn't pull away from the grasp. He could so easily.  
  
"Stay with me. At least tonight? Give it one more day." Gabriel's trying a smile, hopeful and warm and for a second the corner of Sam's mouth twitches up before it drops again, a hard line instead.  
  
"I can't." Sam lifts his other hand to gently graze Gabriel's wrist. "Please let go of me."  
  
"Why not?" Gabriel tightens his grip he has. He feels like if he lets go now he's going to lose this war. He's won all their battles so far but what good is it if he ultimately loses the war?   
  
"We're in pieces, Gabriel. It's done. It's too much." Sam's voice cracks on the last sentence and his fingers twitch as they touch Gabriel's wrist again.   
  
"Well then lets pick them up. We'll put them back together." Gabriel reaches his free hand to Sam's face, cups his cheek. His thumb is smooth as it runs over the wet skin. Sam hadn't been able to fight the tears that started to collect in his eyes last night any longer. Proximity always did win him over.   
  
"For what reason?" Sam turns himself away from the hand and cranes his neck. _Fucking height advantage_ Gabriel thinks.  
  
"I don't need a reason just to hold you. I don't need a reason to wipe all of your tears. Sam, look at me, please."   
  
Sam does. He looks into Gabriel's eyes and there's that blur again that had started last night and Sam's eyes have never looked brighter with their pink, puffy rims. "Baby," Gabriel whispers, holding the gaze, palm warm on Sam's cheek, "please don't go."  
  
There's a distant noise and Sam pulls away from Gabriel as if he's been burned and he looks like a deer in the headlights when "Sammy?" comes from down the hall, Dean's voice angry already.  
  
"Shit," Gabriel grunts. "Sam, please. Why? Why can't you stay?"  
  
"Gabriel!" It booms down the hallway, followed by footsteps so loud anyone who didn't know Dean Winchester would be looking for somewhere to hide from the oncoming stampede.   
  
"Just go," Sam begs, hands whipping across his face to rid himself of the tears.   
  
"Gabriel." _Too late._ Gabriel turns on a heel, face splitting into a giant smirk as he does.  
  
"Deano!" He opens his arms, "long time no see. How are you?" He waggles his eyebrows, all attitude. He won't let Dean see him broken. It's bad enough he's letting Sam see it. Gabriel never loses. Gabriel never gets dumped. He's not about to have that change now. He's a winner.   
  
"Fuck outta my face." Dean drops an armful of folded boxes onto the floor. "You better be gone before Lisa and Ben get here. Last thing I want is you anywhere near my kid. Bad enough you're around my brother."  
  
"Dean." Sam's giving him a warning. Saying _I can take care of myself_ with his tone.  
  
"It's my house, Deano. Maybe you sho-"  
  
"You tell him?" Dean interrupts, eyes zoned in on Gabriel's expression. It shifts back to Sam, questioning, and Dean smirks this time. "Oh man. Can I tell him?"  
  
"No." Sam steps forward, between Dean and Gabriel. He's a shield, a force field, holding Dean back. "No, I didn't tell him."  
  
"Well you'd better. And do it now. When I get back in here with the other stuff I want this guy gone." Dean gives Sam a sharp look before he's clomping back out, his boots leaving black scuff marks as they go.   
  
Sam stares hard for a long moment at the marks of the hardwood. He's such a clean freak all the time that Gabriel thinks he might need to get them off the floor before he acknowledges him again but when Sam instead faces him with a glazed over look on his face Gabriel's stomach drops right out of him.  
  
"Gabe..." He looks past Gabriel, eyes and voice hollow. "You promised me you'd be faithful."  
  
"What?" Gabriel tenses, and then, "I was. I haven't seen Bal- I broke it off. I told you I would and I did."  
  
Sam nods, concedes that point. "True." Then his eyes are blazing as they fixate on Gabriel's and it actually makes the smaller man take a step back. "I met this guy the other day. Maybe you know him. Said his name was Ezekiel. Goes by Zeke?"  
  
The air all punches out of Gabriel at once and he nearly crumples to the floor. "I don't know what you're talking about," he says steadily. His feet betray him and he falls backward one step, swallows audibly, visibly. His mouth is dry and his tongue feels fuzzy.   
  
"You wanna know where I met him?" Sam takes a step towards Gabriel and he's towering over him in a stance more dominating than Sam has ever used with him before.   
  
Gabriel steps back again. Sam steps forward. Back. Forward. He's crowded against the wall and the way Sam just _looms_ is starting to scare him. He feels a shiver go over his whole body and he turns his head away, eyes clenched shut as if he expects to be hit.  
  
Sam's teeth actually scrape the side of Gabriel's ear when he speaks next. "That's right." The sneer is evident in his voice. "He showed up here. _Here_ , Gabriel. Looking for you."  
  
Gabriel tries to sink away, out of the too close proximity, but Sam's hand shoots up and it's a perfect C shape where it goes around his throat and touches the wall. Gabriel gasps in surprise. Sam's not choking him, his hand simply a brace so he can't escape. He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out.  
  
"How could you-" Sam jostles his hand, "look at me." Gabriel squeezes his eyes tighter and presses himself harder against the wall. _"I said look at me."_   
  
The way Sam yells it forces Gabriel's eyes open and the fear is obvious, and real, and he hopes that's enough to sate Sam.   
  
"How could you?" He whimpers, fingers shaking as if Sam's fighting an internal war to choke or not to choke the man below him. "How could you let him sleep in our bed?"  
  
"Sam, I-" Gabriel cuts off with a wheeze when the fingers press down. His fingers instantly start to claw at the grip. "Sam," he chokes out. He tries to shove the larger man back, hands aching where they slam into his chest. He's like a child trying to knock down an entire building. "Stop!" He starts to cough. Every word or breath that leaves him gives Sam more space to press down, press in, pinch his windpipe closed a little more. His fingers go back to Sam's hand and they are white where they try to pull him off. His vision starts to go fuzzy and dark in the corners and he thinks that's it when he hears "it's not worth it Sammy, he's not worth it".

Gabriel has never been more thankful in his life for Dean Winchester then he is in that moment. He opens his eyes and sees a hand close gently over Sam's and in an instant they're both gone and he gulps in air and slides down the wall, a pile of shuddering limbs.   
  
"Sammy," Dean is saying softly, holding his larger, younger brothers face in his hands. "Sam," again, "it's okay. It's okay," and then, "get out, Gabriel."  
  
It takes him a minute, takes him a full sixty seconds to compose himself before he stands on shaking legs. He keeps a hand on the wall, bracing him, as he hobbles down the hallway. He knows he's not dressed right, knows he hasn't brushed his teeth and will have a red-purple loop around his throat when he stumbles into the garage with nothing but car keys in hand. He doesn't know where he's going as he pulls out of the driveway. He's always gone to Sam when something went wrong. Where does he have to go now without him?  
  
Gabriel slams his hands against the steering wheel and lets out an utterly broken scream. Tears pool, blur his vision, and then they're falling more freely than he's ever let them before. 


	10. This Summer's Gonna Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's dwelling on the past. His new roommate's not having any of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why why why when I keep saying it has 14 chapters does it keep still showing a #/?  
> I suck at the internet.  
> I also hate this chapter but I didn't want to skip a song so here she be. Probably the worst chapter of all.

"Sam? What're you- Oh c'mon man, not again!"  
  
Sam slams the laptop shut, surprised, but it's too little too late. "Luc- I- I wasn't!" His face feels hot and he sucks his bottom lip in, worrying it between his teeth.  
  
"Don't lie to me. Open the computer." A hand comes into Sam's vision and it's pulling the top of the computer open, the password screen blinking to life before them. "Put your password in, Sam."  
  
Sam hangs his head but his fingers fly across the keys easily. His eyes flash to the screen before darting away, ashamed. "C'mon Luci," he murmurs, "give me a break."  
  
Lucifer's eyes work over the open internet page before he makes a tsking noise. "Sam, Sam, Sam." He shakes his head sadly and plants a warm hand on the taller mans shoulder. "If you wanted someone to torture you why didn't you just ask?"  
  
Sam looks up then, smiling bashfully at the older man. "I can't help it. I'm in a trance or something. He just keeps posting and it's all-" Sam's nose scrunches up, disgusted, "he's doing it on purpose. I know it."  
  
"Sam," Lucifer says, voice tender, "you have to stop looking at it. This Summer's gonna hurt like a mother fucker if you spend it looking at Gabriel's Twitter and Instagram and Facebook and whatever else. Seriously. Did he even have some of these things before you left? He wants you to look. He wants you to respond."  
  
"Why?" Sam glares at the screen, at a picture of Gabriel in nothing but swim trunks and they're so low on his hips that Sam can see the trail of dark hair south of his navel and he whines in the back of his throat at the sight because when they first started sleeping together Gabriel was shaved bald and Sam had begged him to stop and Gabriel had done so easily. The smaller man had wanted nothing more than to please him when they'd first gotten together. "His body's hot," he murmurs.  
  
"Yeah and his brains fucking not," Luci retorts, "boys not too sharp if he gave you up for somethi- for _anyone_ ," he corrects. The hand on his shoulder taps lightly with two fingers. "Guy must have been smoking something. Come on, lets go. Up and away from this god forsaken piece of technology."  
  
Sam nods absently. "Sure, Luc. Soon, okay?"  
  
Lucifer shakes his head, exhausted with how often he catches Sam doing this to himself. "Ten minutes. If you're not out and dressed nicely, I'm going to hire a hooker."  
  
Sam scoffs but his eyes stay fixated on the dim glow of Facebook in front of him. "Yeah," he finally says when he notices that Lucifer is still standing there, "ten minutes."  
  
Sam taps his finger over and over against the down arrow on his keyboard, scrolling through all the things Gabriel has posted.

It's June and he's been gone three months now, living with one of Lisa's cousins he'd met at his brothers wedding. He was eternally thankful for the Braedan clan. It was amazing how accommodating all of them were. A pang of jealousy stirs inside of him but he physically shakes his head to will it away. He's happy for Dean.  
  
There's a video of Gabriel next and with a sigh Sam clicks it. He's clearly drunk, dancing in the street that's dark save for the lamps on at the homes surrounding him. Unsurprisingly there's a man dancing with him and if Sam can judge the laughter he hears correctly from behind the camera, at least two more filming or watching. He grunts. "Whore."  
  
There's a few senseless posts and then a picture of Gabriel with a different man Sam has never met sipping champagne on the beach. "Trashy."  
  
Lower, there's a picture that Gabriel has been tagged in by his brother. It's of Castiel, Meg, and Gabriel at what Sam assumes is a higher end and expensive restaurant based on the attire of the trio. "Amazing," he snorts, "thinks he's _so_ fancy."  
  
"Sam."  
  
Sam squeaks and slams the computer closed. "Coming!" He grabs a button down plaid on his way out of his room. Close enough to nice clothing, he figures.  
  
***  
  
Sam drags his heels the next morning when he enters the kitchen.  
  
"Rough night?" It's punctuated with a cup of hot black coffee being passed to him.  
  
"I see him when I go to sleep," he admits and it sounds pathetic even to his own ears but he's tired of acting alright. He flops tiredly into the nearest chair.  
  
"Sam-"  
  
His phone buzzes and he nearly falls out of his chair trying to free it from his pocket. As he scrambles to look at the screen he sees that the name says Naomi and he sighs, slumping backward in the seat.  
  
"You're so weak," Lucifer hisses, and it's the first time Sam has heard anything but a sympathetic tone come from him regarding his hang up on his ex.  
  
"Wha?" He's so articulate when he's caught off guard.  
  
"He never posts anything deep. He's so fucking shallow. He wants it all, Sam. He was always taking something from you and what were you left with?" Lucifer's eyebrows raise incredibly high as if he's waiting for an answer but when Sam opens his mouth the shorter man speaks again; " _nothing._ It's time for you to rip off the bandage, Sam. Delete the fucking guy. Block him. Whatever. This is so high school and dammit you're a grown man and you're a lawyer and you're sitting here staring at your phone like he's going to be sending an apology any minute but look-"  
  
Lucifer grabs his phone and swipes it open. He finds the Facebook app and he finds Gabriel and he absently scrolls downward, like it's roulette, and he'll land on something tacky no matter where the screen stops. "There," he says, finger jabbing the screen angrily, "what is this shit? A picture of him dancing on some dude's lap? What is he, seventeen? Thinks he's so cool."  
  
"He really thinks that he can move," Sam says absently, looking hard at the screen. "But it's just nasty," he concedes.  
  
"He thinks he has to have it all, chase every damn star, like he's so fucking popular. He's not though, Sam. He's just an empty vessel. The guy has one legitimate, genuine, good person in his life and what's he do? What's he do, Sam?"  
  
"I-I don't know," Sam stammers. He's looking at Lucifer's blazing eyes and the emotion is rage mixed with disappointment mixed with something else and Sam can't for the life of him place it.  
  
But then he doesn't have to when Lucifer is ducking down, bumping his hips into Sam's side and the chair and he's kissing him. _Hard._  
  
_Oh_ , Sam thinks, unable to move for a moment before something in him gives in and his lips start to slowly form against the other mans. 


	11. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Lucifer take a trip back to California and run into some faces they're less than happy to see at a club when they decide they deserve a night to unwind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus. Life. Seriously. Babies, dogs, job hunting, taking care of my siblings cat and house, family vacation, child support hearings. It's a hectic little ball of life going on. I am doing everything, and I mean everything, to try and get this stuff done. I'm writing snippets of editing in the notes of my iPod. I can't say when more chapters for sure will come out but I will get V done by the end of August. I promise. I swear! Yell at me if I don't. 
> 
> I also was driving one day and went OH FUCK YES I LIKE THIS ENDING SO MUCH BETTER! And ended up rewriting a lot of stuff to change the ending of this story. I only rewrote the last chapter 6 times and hated it every time before realizing why.

It's October, and it just so happens that Sam has a case that takes him to California and it just so happens that Lucifer has all the free time in the world to come with him. He says it's a great excuse to see Lisa and Ben and enjoy some weather warmer than what they get in Minnesota.  
  
Sam had originally planned to head back to Kansas but when Lisa had suggested staying with Lucifer instead in Minnesota he'd jumped on the idea easily. It was like an entirely new start, even if he did continue working for Naomi and did continue traveling all over the states. It felt like a good home base to be so far away.  
  
Lucifer had told him the winter would be harsh but Sam hadn't realized at the time that winter would be coming in September so a warm weather break, even if it was in a state he did not want to be in, was very welcome.  
  
So that's how the boys end up in a rental car that takes them to the older Winchester's residence, ready to surprise the couple with their visit. It goes well and they all enjoy dinner. They all enjoy seeing each other. Sam gapes at how much bigger Ben is after only seven months and Lucifer one-ups him by saying how long it's been since he last saw Ben. They talk about him coming to visit them in Minnesota so he can snowboard for the first time and everyone agrees that it would be a great idea. Everything feels comfortable and perfect and Sam is smiling in a daze over it when he lounges in a chair on Dean's back deck later.  
  
"You and Luke really hit it off, huh?" Dean offers a beer, damp and cool and refreshing just to the touch and Sam accepts it happily.  
  
"Yeah, he's a great guy," Sam agrees.  
  
Dean nods, sips his beer. An _ah_ sound leaves his throat to show his appreciation. "Even if he does have the worst name ever."  
  
They both chuckle softly in agreement. Silence comes over them, warm and easy. Sam's eyes are closing, and he's just starting to drift when Dean says, "so are you guys a thing?"  
  
Sam's face aches with the smile. "No, Dean." He laughs and rolls his head to the side, too lazy to lift it off the chair back, "we are not a thing."  
  
"Lisa just told me that, you know, he uhm-"  
  
"Kissed me?"  
  
Dean nods, ears pink at the tips. He's never had a problem with Sam's orientation but he's also always been such an alpha male type that he doesn't quite know how to discuss the topic despite twenty some odd years of having an out brother.  
  
"Yeah. Months ago. He did it to snap me out of this Gab- out of my funk," Sam quickly corrects. "You know? Let me know people still found me attractive and I wasn't like some shunned, disgusting widower or something. He was being a friend and it never happened again. I mean, not that I would have been upset if it had. He's very-"  
  
"Yeah, Sammy," Dean interrupts, "I get the idea. Careful before you cross into TMI territory, alright?'  
  
"Mhm," Sam hums, "will do."  
  
They finish off their evening soaking up what's left of the sun and as they stand and prepare to go inside Dean grips his brother at the elbow and his expression is gentle but serious as he looks his brother in the eye and says, "the guys name is Lucifer and I'd still prefer him to Gabriel". His face twitches in a half-smile, sad, because he knows that Sam hasn't suddenly forgotten the man who has been a constant in his life for as long as they can both remember.

Sam stays outside by himself a few minutes, staring into the twilight. Stupid brother, understanding him and shit.  
  
*****  
  
Sam has a tough day in court and Lucifer recommends they go somewhere to blow off steam. Sam may feel older after the day he's had but he's not dead and it is a Friday night. Although he's tentative, he agrees.  
  
Sam feels loose after a few drinks. He dances, or more like sways, against Lucifer. He's standing a little too close, arms thrown around his neck, deep brown hair brushing against Luci's cheek. Lucifer would never complain, though. Despite his name he's never been anything but a gentleman toward Sam. A true friend. Exactly what Sam needs. Exactly what Sam deserves.  
  
Even liquored up Sam can appreciate what they have.  
  
Sam's bad luck, however, has a way of catching up with him.  
  
"Sammy?"  
  
Later in life Sam will look back at this and wonder if his being tipsy helped or hindered his reaction. He'll wonder if he made the right choices. But right now, his big moose body filled with girly rum drinks of all things, he's not thinking much of anything.  
  
He turns, arms still boxing Lucifer in. _"Gabriel."_  
  
Gabriel looks him up and down and Sam can't bother to be self-conscious about the leer because they're coming from all angles. When did he lose his shirt? Why did he wear skin tight denim that cuts off at the knee? Seriously. He looks like a walking stereotype. Maybe that was the intention. Loose lips and loose hips. Freedoms he didn't feel like he ever really enjoyed.  
  
Every guy passing by is whistling or hollering _"look at him"_ , clapping their hands or offering Sam other cat calls.  
  
"Who's this?"  
  
"Lucifer," Luci says, his eyes dark and dangerous as they study Gabriel in person for the first time. His hands find Sam's hips and he holds them tight, his knuckles white.  
  
Gabriel gawks for a moment, eyes shifting back and forth between the two faces trained on him. "Oh you've _got_ to be kidding," he snorts, "Satan? Seriously?"  
  
Sam smirks, eyes half-lidded, and turns away. He drops his head onto Luci's shoulder, lips parted where he breathes out of them and his breath is hot enough, damp enough, and the shudder that works its way through Lucifer is more than visible to Gabriel. A full bodied thing that he used to be on the receiving end of. Lucifer sees the way Gabriel's stance gets stiffer, smirks at the tiny man so full of rage at such a small gesture.  
  
"Yeah," he answers, "seriously."  
  
"Sam." Gabriel is all righteous defender of Sam's dignity now, his saviour. "You're making a fool of yourself. Stop hanging off of this guy. Where'd you even find him?"  
  
Sam doesn't lift his head. He smiles, slow and easy, and his lips move against Lucifer's skin when he speaks. "I live with him."  
  
Gabriel's face grows dark and he grabs one of Sam's arms, tugs aggressively. "Come on," he growls, "we have things to talk about."  
  
Sam slips off of Lucifer and offers him an eye roll. "I'll be fine," he whispers. Lucifer doesn't believe him but Sam's a grown man so all he can do is nod and watch a very small man drag a very large man away from all the sounds and smells and lights. Quickly, there's a slender blonde haired Brit taking Sam's exact position.  
  
His arms slip around Luci's shoulders and he smiles, all alcoholic faux-charm. "Hello handsome," he purrs, "Balthazar. And just who might you be?"  
  
*****  
  
Outside of the club the brick wall of it is cool against Sam's back where Gabriel slams him into it.  
  
"What the fuck?" He spits.  
  
Sam looks down at him through his eye lashes and then his eyebrows raise slowly. "What the fuck?" He mocks.  
  
"That guy in there. Seriously?"  
  
"What of it?" Sam sags heavily against the wall. His buzz fades a little. He just wanted to have a good time, why does Gabriel need to take that from him? Why does Gabriel always need to take everything from him?  
  
"That's not right." Gabriel presses close to Sam. "You fuck him?"  
  
Sam snorts loudly. He's pleased that Gabriel doesn't know what, about that comment, is so funny to him. "He fucks me." Sam laughs again, a true bout of laughter this time.  
  
"Does he know your nasty side?" Gabriel hisses and Sam can't tell if he means his kinks or if he means his mean streak.  
  
"You're just jealous because you want me," Sam says, sure of it because Gabriel is well within the range of his personal bubble, tries to have the same proximity to Sam now as Lucifer had inside.  
  
"You're drunk."  
  
Sam shrugs. He nods. "If you want me take me home," he murmurs, his body sinking down the wall ever so slightly so his hips are away from it, closer to Gabriel's. "Let me use you."  
  
Gabriel seems struck solid for a moment before it's like the past seven months never existed and he's the same horny teenager for Sam he has been all along. He reaches out, he clings to Sam. He's on his toes so he can breath hot against him. "I bet he doesn't satisfy you like I do."  
  
Sam nods. He suppresses a giggle. Gabe's got him there. That guy he isn't sleeping with sure doesn't do him as well as Gabriel did.  
  
Gabriel continues. "Does he know that there's nobody quite like you?" He palms Sam's crotch, rubs roughly against the denim.  
  
Sam lets out the smallest of moans because contact is contact and even if it's from someone who makes him feel dirt cheap in his altered mental state he can't resist the friction. He bucks into it.  
  
"Sammy, I can't fight this anymore. I've got all these feelings for you. They've never gone away. They're not going to. We fight like we're fuckin' enemies but I can't help myself anymore." Gabriel continues the motions of his hand, palm pressing up and then he gives a small squeeze.  
  
Sam turns his head down so his hair lays against Gabriel's cheek. His hand falls over the smaller mans and he moves them in unison, grinding his hips greedily into the embrace. No one's touched him in more than half a year after getting it on a nearly daily basis. His body longs for the embrace of another.  
  
"You and me," Gabe says, "lets go. All night, like we used to." Gabriel uses his other hand to tug uselessly at Sam's belt loop. "Come with me now," he says softly, and then harsher, "fuck that guy."  
  
Sam flashes him a smile, the kind that makes Gabriel's cock hard. The kind that says he's in for something good. "You'll have to wait a while." With that, Sam is suddenly far too sober. The chill of the night air, the fact his sweat slicked body has had time to dry out, his blood rushing all over his body- it's all made him far too aware of himself.  
  
He pushes Gabriel back but keeps the sexy smile in place. He doesn't want to let on that he's got a good grasp on the situation now. Just coy, just flirty. He walks away, he walks back into the club. He finds Lucifer, who happens to be dancing with someone in the way Sam had been earlier and for a moment he's disappointed he's been replaced before he feels ecstatic for Luci that he's found someone to offer his genuine attentions to.  
  
So he settles at the bar and he's ordering himself a drink. He's too sober for this right now. He's not drunk enough if he can remember anything.  
  
"Hey!" Gabriel spins him on the stool he's taken up residence on. "No, Sam. I can't wait much longer. This needs to happen now! I can't spend the rest of my life chasing you around." His face is red, puffy. He's drunk too, Sam realizes. Gabriel is never drunk. Something about it makes him ache deep inside. His throat clicks, dry, despite the searing liquid he'd just been sucking down. He can't feel bad for Gabriel.  
  
"Chasing me?" He laughs, too loud and like a maniac. "You don't chase me. You whore the fuck around for everyone to see. You've never chased me." Sam turns his back on Gabriel again. The smaller man tugs at his arm but he's as solid as stone now.  
  
"Sammy, I miss you. What can I do? I want to be close again. You have to tell me how. Baby-"  
  
Sam looks at the glass in front of him, filled with a deep brown liquid. His back arches, his shoulders raise, and he slams his arm through it so that the glass shatters behind the bar and the liquid sprays along the filthy wooden top.  
  
"I saw him inside of you!" He yells. He's standing, facing Gabriel. "Came home one night, came back early from a case. Wanted to surprise you." Every word feels harder. "Came in and I could hear you screaming for more. I got all the way through the house and you're so fucking loud that you didn't even know it. I put my ear to the door and- our bed, Gabriel. I opened the fucking door and I saw him. That over grown goddamn prick. That's the worst part, Gabriel. He was like me. He was just fucking like me but blonde. You're disgusting."  
  
Sam grips the front of Gabriel's shirt in a tight fist and drags the man up on his toes by it. "And you know what?" He grits, teeth against Gabe's ear, "all I could think was I wonder if you'd both fit in the trunk of my car."  
  
He drops him then and finds his way through the crowd that's a little less quiet, a little too interested in the scene playing out before them between these two hot heads. When he gets back to his friend he groans at the sight.

"Fuck off, Balthazar," he says, and shoves the Brit right out of Lucifer's embrace.

Balthazar doesn't miss a beat. That's probably half the reason he got into Gabriel's pants in the first place. Two smarmy douche bag peas in a pod.

"Ah," he says, "Samuel!" He's too close to Sam, chin tipped up defiantly and eyes blazing with hate as he gets nose to nose with Sam, "you weren't the first for Gabriel, and you won't be the last. But," and he chuckles, the bastard, "you're possibly the prettiest. Maybe that's why he keeps chasing your over grown tail."

He'll have to apologize to Lucifer tomorrow because he pulls him away from Balthazar a little too roughly, rips at his sleeve as he's yanking him through the sea of bodies saying "take me home". He's practically dragging the guy behind him who seems utterly confused. Maybe Sam should have told him a little more about just who Gabriel was fucking instead of him.  
  
Lucifer is mad at Sam for the interruption initially but he'll thank him for it later. Satan himself deserves better than that guy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love feedback?


	12. Coming Back For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel takes a little trip to Minnesota

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, trying to rush these chapters out! Trying so hard to keep my promise to get it done before the end of Summer and junk. Only two more after this one!

Gabriel is laying on a lounge chair in Castiel and Meg's backyard when his brother comes out to join him, wine glasses in both hands. Gabriel takes his and raises it in thanks before taking a lengthy sip.  
  
Castiel frowns at him. "Savour it," he mutters.  
  
"The wine or Sam?" Gabriel asks, miserable.  
  
"Both?" Castiel takes the seat next to him. He sits sideways on it so he can face his older brother. He sighs, opens his mouth to speak before deciding on a shrug instead. "I don't know what to tell you. It's been a long time, you said he was with another guy, what did you expect? I mean you cheated on him, Gabriel. A lot."  
  
"You think I don't know that? But he's my Sammy. We've known each other twenty-five fucking years. I didn't think I'd ever not have him in my life." Gabriel glares up at the dusky sky, filled with tiny specks of sparkling stars.  
  
"Everyone has their limits," Castiel tells him sadly. He sips his wine and shifts to a laying position, stares into the sky in much the same way his brother is.  
  
"We used to sit in our yard and do this," Gabriel murmurs, "you think he still thinks about it? The love that I took away? It used to keep him awake, he said. I wonder if he still closes his eyes and sees me. I wonder if it still keeps him awake."  
  
"I'm sure it does." Castiel closes his eyes. He aches for his brother. He can't imagine what his life would be like without Meg. "But you do understand what the problem is, right? It's you. You know what he's scared about and why he had to give up."  
  
"Gee," Gabriel snorts, "thanks little bro. Great advice. Great consoling." He shifts on the seat and rolls onto his side so his back is to his brother like a petulant child.  
  
"I'm not going to coddle you. You don't need that. You've been spoiled long enough." Gabriel can hear Castiel shifting behind them and then he's abruptly forced back onto his back. He stares up as his younger, larger brother towers over him. It makes his insides twist at the thought of Sam, the younger and larger brother of the Winchester's. He can't escape the guy no matter where he goes.   
  
"What?" He grunts. He pouts. He _hates_ Castiel lectures and he's sure he's in for one.  
  
"Go get him." Gabriel raises an eyebrow. Castiel raises one right back. His is far more dominant, his wins. Gabriel's face settles back to a relaxed state. "Chase him. If you want him, if you miss him, go fucking get him. You know what? I've had enough of your sulking and hanging around us. I miss my bitchy wife and her shitty antics and her kinks in bed. You're ruining our marriage. Now it's all about Gabe. Now it's Gabe interrupting this and that and she doesn't want to do anything because we're so busy taking care of you. You, Gabriel. My older brother. Well guess what? You got yourself into this, you get yourself out. Now go the fuck home so I can drill my smokin' hot wife in the kitchen, okay?"  
  
Gabriel's jaw goes a little slack as he gapes at his brother. He wants to shoot back some comment about how he didn't need to hear about his brothers sex life. On the other hand he kind of wants to tell Cas how impressed he is to hear him talking that way. He tends to be so reserved. Meg's usually the vulgar one. Maybe he really _is_ interrupting their marriage.   
  
"Clarence," Meg's voice is saying from behind his head, "I love when you get angry."   
  
"Gross." Gabriel makes a face, his upper lip twisting into an ugly sneer. "Wait until I get out at least, Jesus."  
  
"Have a fun trip," they both tell him and Gabriel is slamming the door behind him with his shoes in his hand when he hears Meg let out a giggle and hears Cas growling at her.  
  
 _"Gross,"_ he repeats to himself.  
  


* * *

  
  
That's how Gabriel ends up, of all places, in Minnesota. He learns this fact from Balthazar's having danced with a man named _Lucifer_ of all things and how he lives with a guy named Sam in Minnesota. The same Sam who dragged him away right before, Balthazar thought, he was going to get lucky in the club bathroom. But "Minnesota" wasn't enough and he had to hassle some of the people he knew at the firm Sam works at for more in depth information.  
  
So he stands there, clueless on how to proceed, in front of some quaint little town home that Sam shares with this guy and he hates it. It's too small. It's too sweet. It's nothing like the home he shared with Sam. It's too traditional and their place was so modern, just the way Sam likes. "You can do this," he tells himself, and he takes one step up the little stone path that goes to the doorway.   
  
He whips out his phone. He sends off a text.  
  
 **Gabriel: I can't do this**  
  
 _Castiel: Do it. Before you lose him to Satan forever._  
  
Gabriel grimaces at his phone. Castiel has a terrible way of going about pushing him in the right direction.  
  
 **Gabriel: I can't do this**  
  
 _Balthazar: Love you left me for him. ME. You have to do this. You gave up precious English gold for this man. You'd better do this._  
  
Gabriel tries to relax, tries to take deep breaths. In. Out. Slow. One every step he takes until he finally, finally makes it to the door. Should he ring the bell? Should he knock? It's just another excuse to hesitate before he decides to ring. It chimes in a sweet little tune and Gabriel hates how sweet that is too. Their door made a horrible buzzing noise. He loves that horrible, harsh, California-chic noise.  
  
"I got it!" He hears from somewhere inside and his heart skips a beat to hear Sam's voice.  Then the door is opening and Sam gets halfway through "hello" before he tries to slam the door closed but Gabriel panics and  wedges his foot into the doorjamb so it stays partially opened. "Fuck off," Sam barks, "get your foot out." He nudges at it with his toe and Gabriel grabs the door with one hand and pushes against the frame with the other, forces it a little bit more open.  
  
"Sam, hear me out, _please_." His arms stutter with exertion. It takes every muscle he has firing at full capacity to fend off Sam's attempts to shut him out, back into the street. He spares a moment to think he should lay off the sweets and start working out. Holy crap. How much does he care about this guy?   
  
"No," Sam huffs, and he slams his heel down on Gabe's foot. Gabriel cries out in pain and yanks the foot back. Then it's happening too fast for him to keep up and he's falling backwards from the force of Sam shoving him away. The door closes. He hears it lock.   
  
"Sam," he yells at it, pounding his fist. No one comes. He slumps against it, slides down it, sits with his knees up against his chest. "Sam," he yells again, "I'm not going anywhere. If you won't come out I'll just wait until you have to. I'm always going to come back for you."  
  
Gabriel waits. For hours. It gets dark and it gets cold and he's not at all prepared for this kind of chill. Why on earth would anyone want to live here? He wraps his arms around himself and shivers. The sun goes down so early in November that it's dark save for the lamp beside the door he leans on. Someone flicked it on around five and Gabriel hopes it was Sam showing some sympathy but when he hears arguing inside and a "that's just cruel, Sam," he's pretty sure it was Lucifer.  
  
Around seven he wants to get up and leave but he fears that as soon as he does Sam will take off like a rocket. "Sammy?" He turns around so his face is pressed close to the frozen wood. "I know there are millions of miles in between our hearts right now. I know moving more than a thousand miles away probably felt like it was gonna help, like it was your only option but you're my best friend, Sam. You can move farther away. Move to Canada, I don't care. Wherever you go I'm gonna come running for you. I don't care how far, Sam. I'm always going to come for you. I'm sorry-so sorry that it took me this long to get here. I was stupid. I just wanted to win so bad. I did everything wrong, I did."  
  
Gabriel thinks he hears something behind the door, like someone is listening on the other side. He lowers his full on yell to just a loud conversational volume. "I can't fix anything and I don't want you to love me. I don't want you to be with me. I just want my friend back. I just want you to come home. This isn't your home, Sam. This place isn't you. I'm your home. _Our_ home is your home. Your weird ass taste in furniture. The modern kitchens and bathrooms with all that rustic wooden shit we have too. It's just a big clash-y mess but it's all you, Sammy, and I can hardly stand to be around it and use it and live in it thinking of you all the time but I can't leave."  
  
 _"Why,_ " he hears faintly from the other side of the threshold. His heart pounds against his rib cage.   
  
"Because, I-" He sighs, bangs his head against the wood. His skin is starting to sting. "Sometimes," he restarts, "I'll be lying awake in bed and I'm on my side and I think fuck, I wish I had some space and then I realize that oh, I do, and I roll back over, and I sprawl out across that massive king size bed because I'm all alone. I take up as much space as I possibly can and I don't know if it's because I'm relieved to have that space or if it's because-" He's choking up a little now. He sniffles and the hairs in his nose stick together, already frozen with the moisture, "because that way I can tell myself I'm relieved to have the space instead of admitting that I still haven't gotten over having someone- having _you_ laying behind me. Laying right in the middle of the bed like such a fucking bed hog. Saying how you hate cuddling but leaving me no choice but to be on my side, ready to roll off the edge, or to be forced up against you." He laughs a little, a sad and breathless noise, and he hears something that sounds equally heartbroken coming from behind that god forsaken door. His teeth chatter their way through the last few words. It's funny how his throat is freezing from the air he's sucking in but it feels like a burn, tearing away at the skin. Maybe the tears are helping a little with that.   
  
There's a dull metal thudding type sound, a creaking, and then Gabriel is standing in front of a door that is opened just a couple of inches. "It's cold," Sam says, "come in, warm up, find a hotel, and leave."  
  
Gabriel smiles weakly and notices for the first time how his whole body is shivering in waves. "Okay."  
  


* * *

  
  
There's little dialogue that evening. Sam brings Gabriel a blanket and Lucifer brings him something warm to drink. The furnace is turned way up. They come and go from the room periodically, checking on him. They bicker in another room, thinking they're whispering when really they're quite loud and Gabriel can hear that Sam wants to send him out but Lucifer is saying that's cruel at this time of night and that he can sleep on the couch. Sam is saying "but you hate him!" and Lucifer is saying "but I'm not heartless" and it goes back and forth like that for some time before Lucifer appears in the room.  
  
"You're welcome to sleep on the couch tonight." He leaves without waiting for a response and Gabriel is more than happy to situate himself there for the evening.  
  


* * *

  
Gabriel isn't sure exactly what time it is but he wakes in the middle of the night to the sounds of someone rummaging around in the kitchen. He feels compelled to get up and finds Sam in there shifting things around in the fridge.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
Sam turns his head slightly, acknowledgment that he's heard Gabriel, but he doesn't speak.  
  
Still wrapped in the blanket from the couch Gabriel silently slips across the small kitchen space and up behind Sam. He pauses, sucks his bottom lip in, and then like a leap of faith he's wrapping his arms around Sam's middle, blanket clenched between his fingers like a cloak that covers the both of them.  
  
He leans his head against Sam's back, somewhere just below his shoulder blades because of the height difference, and sighs softly. "I miss you," he whispers, "and I know sorry means jack shit but I am. I should have never suggested a relationship. I ruined our friendship."  
  
For a long time Sam stands, hands poised on the handles for the fridge, staring into the light of it before he closes both sides slowly and manages to turn around in Gabriel's grasp. His eyes stay fixed somewhere past Gabriel, over his head, distant and protected, but his arms eventually wrap him in a loose hug. "Yeah," he agrees, "you really fucked it up."   
  
Gabriel nods, cheek pressed firmly against Sam's chest and he can hear the other mans heart beating rapidly. He risks it. "Can I sleep in the bed?"  
  
Sam's arms tense, nervous, before they relax again and for reasons neither of them can begin to understand he says "yeah".  
  
They travel up a set of stairs that tell Gabriel how old the tiny home is by how narrow they are. Sam's room is a tight fit for all of his things but it's clean like the way he always kept their shared one. Sam slides in first, far to the right side and Gabriel slips in on the opposite side. They both lay staring at the ceiling, breathing noisily, obviously uncomfortable.  
  
"Fuck this," Sam mutters. He shifts and shifts until he's in the middle of the bed and opens an arm up. Gabriel gets the message and tucks himself under it, cradled against Sam's warmth, head resting on Sam's shoulder.   
  
"Beds warm," Gabriel whispers, "was so cold outside. Minnesota sucks."  
  
Sam laughs, the quietest of chuckles so he doesn't disturb his roommate. They whisper about many things, they discuss Lucifer and Minnesota and Sam's work. They talk about nothing but Sam and his life since leaving. Sam's voice muffles in Gabriel's hair at times and Gabriel tries not to think too much about how nice it feels to be pressed against Sam. He, at one point, can feel the beginnings of a hard on when the arm that isn't wrapped behind him swings around and starts to rub up and down his right arm, just the finger tips, light and delicate with the occasional scratching of blunt nails over the skin still tender from the chill he hasn't quite shaken. For the first time in a long time, Gabriel thinks sex isn't important right then.

He'll need to thank Satan in the morning for being such a nice guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love feedback!
> 
> Friendly reminder these are not good people.


	13. My Heart Is Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel does his best to win Sam back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more after this. Makes me anxious. First long-ish fic I'll ever finish!

Two months pass. Gabe texts Sam. Always first. Always trying to coax a conversation out of him. The longer it goes on like this, the every day communication, the more it seems like Sam is coming around. It's nothing but friendly banter. Gabriel doesn't try to push because he doesn't feel he's built the situation back up enough yet. They just text and that's enough. He keeps reminding himself that's enough. He decisively doesn't think about the fact that might be because he's seeing Ezekiel and Balthazar for other needs on a regular, rotating basis.  
  
On the 22nd of January Sam texts him first. He lets Gabriel know he'll be in town for Dean's birthday. Tells him he was in town for Christmas with Lucifer but didn't think it was a good time of year to see each other. Thinks maybe they can have coffee, or something, as friends.  
  
Gabriel doesn't even need to think about it. He replies 'yes' and 'I'd love that' the second he sees the text.

 

* * *

  
  
They sit across the table from each other on the stone patio outside of a Starbucks. Sam has a plain old coffee and Gabriel has some over the top, colorful frappuchino type thing. A unicorn one. It's purple and blue and swirled in the cup. It's nothing short of the most over the top, flamboyant thing on their entire menu. It's like drinking pure syrup. It suits Gabriel perfectly.  
  
It's been nearly silent since they met up, like the worst blind date ever.   
  
"So," Sam says.   
  
"So." Gabriel taps his fingers along the side of his cup, wipes them through the condensation forming there. "How's... Lucifer?"  
  
"Good." Sam's voice is clipped. He's occasionally glancing at Gabriel but mostly he stares at the green of the logo against the white of the cup. "How's Cas? Meg?"  
  
"Good. Great. Meg just found out she's pregnant." Gabriel beams.   
  
Sam's face is equally bright when it snaps up to look upon Gabriel's. "Really?" He can't help the grin that splits his face open. "That's so exciting. I'll have to send them my congratulations."  
  
Gabe's face is the mirror image of Sam's, wide and ecstatic. "You will. I think I'm almost as excited as they are."  
  
Sam laughs, and it sounds genuine, "they'll have to hide him from you! Kid'll have nothing but cavities if he spends any time hanging around you." Sam's face looks a little softer, his toothy grin becomes a closed lip smile. "You'll be a great Uncle." His eyes go slack at the corners, something sad in them, like Sam is picturing a situation with Gabriel he'll never share.  
  
"Sam," he murmurs. He reaches across the table, palm up. Sam looks at his hand and he places his on the table too, next to it. He can't bring himself to take it, can't let himself feel that closeness. "I know you're scared," he says, soft enough that no one around them can hear, "I can feel it. It's practically weighing down the air. I know you feel it, too."  
  
Sam clears his throat despite not needing too as if that will thin out the tension that surrounds them. His fingers splay wide, palm flat on the iron of the table. "Yeah, well." He shrugs.  
  
Gabriel lets his fingers crawl over, plants them on top of Sam's own. Sam's stay where they are, pinned down as if they could sink through the table and away from the contact. He's staring hard at the smaller hand on top of his own and his breathing seems a little uneven. His chest raises a bit too high like the beat of his heart behind his ribs is irregular, rapid.  
  
"Sam, please look at me." Sam does, his chin tipped down and his eyes shadowed by his hair. His normal facial hair, a five o'clock shadow, is much longer as though he's been too shaky to take a razor to his face for a few days. Gabriel wonders if that's his doing. "Take a chance on me. You won't regret it."   
  
"Gabriel," Sam says, tense, "come on. Don't do this. We've been down this road so many times already." He tries to withdraw his hand discretely, not cause a scene. Gabe refuses to let go.  
  
"One more no, Sam, and I'll believe you. I'll walk away and I'll leave you be." His fingers tighten when Sam's mouth opens, ready to respond. It closes. "But that's the last time you'll say no to me." There's an edge to his voice, a warning. Sam frowns. It's a game of chicken in a way. "It won't take me long to find another lover," Gabriel says, and Sam's frown turns to a sneer of disgust, so Gabriel quickly amends, "but I want you. I don't think I can spend another minute getting over loving you."  
  
Gabriel lets his hand go, slumps back in his chair as he watches Sam. His face is pointedly blank, not an emotion expressed in any line of it, but it's clear that his brain is working over time. "You don't have to say yes. Not right now. I mean, I want to hear you say it. My heart's open here, Sammy, but if you're not ready you can think about it. Just.... don't say no? Not yet. Take some time."  
  
Sam nods. "Okay," he says, "some time."   
  
They drop the topic and continue their coffee, the conversation stilted but trying to flow. Gabriel leaves feeling a glimmer of hope.  
  


* * *

  
  
Sam goes back to Minnesota on January 26th. He comes back to California on February 14th. He doesn't tell Gabriel that he doesn't know how to miss his birthday. He tried it once since the breakup and all he did was sit in his room crying and looking at pictures from birthdays past.   
  
_Sam: So you're turning like 60 tomorrow right?_  
  
 **Gabriel: More like 65.**   
  
_Sam: Close enough. Plans?_  
  
 **Gabriel: Lunch with Cassie and Meggles. Dinner with some friends.**  
  
 _Sam: Think you can wake up early enough for breakfast?_  
 _Sam: Unless you have a date tonight._  
  
 **Gabriel: No date. You in town?**  
  
 _Sam: I might be._  
  
 **Gabriel: I can be up for breakfast.**  
  
 _Sam: Great. I'll pick you up at 8._

 

* * *

  
  
When Gabriel sees Sam it's like he's breathing for the first time. A tightness leaves his chest and he takes in so much air his lungs feel fit to burst.   
  
"Happy Birthday," Sam says by way of greeting, and he wraps the smaller man in a hug. It lingers, Gabriel's fingers twisting into Sam's light sports jacket.  
  
"Thank you." He lets go, a little slowly, fingers trailing the sides and front of Sam as they do. Something crackles in the air, electric and alive and just this side of uneasy.  
  
They follow a hostess to a tiny table pressed against a window in a cafe that Gabriel's never been to before. It's a tight fit, all the tables that they've managed to squeeze into such a small space, but Gabriel likes it. Likes how busy it feels, how alive.  
  
The breakfast goes well and the conversation feels easier this time. Gabriel tells Sam about his plans for the day, tells him how work has been, mocks the weather in Minnesota compared to the comfort of Winter in California. Sam concedes that yeah, Minnesota's weather sucks, but at least they have four seasons there.  
  
Their time draws to a close when Sam pays the bill and drops a cash tip on the table. Gabriel can feel his heart's rapid drumming inside of him. _Seize the moment_ his brain is telling him. He shakes it off and they grab their coats off the back of their respective chairs and make their way to the door.   
  
"Anywhere you need to be dropped off?"   
  
"No, just back at the house. Gotta go work off these calories so I can stuff my face some more." Gabriel pats his stomach lovingly. They stand outside of the car, awkward, feet shuffling, and then they're inside.   
  
The drive is silent save for fuzzy voices coming out of the radio. It smells of cleaner in this rental that Sam had picked him up in and it reminds Gabriel of when their shared home smelled clean. Smelled like the cleaner Sam used obsessively to keep everything constantly spotless. Originally he'd tried to keep up with the cleaning, hoping Sam would come home and be impressed by his efforts but as the days and weeks turned into months he'd grown spiteful. Now it was a mess and Gabriel couldn't bring himself to start making it any less disgusting because every time he did he'd smell that cleaner and think of Sam.   
  
Sam gets out of the car when they arrive, walks Gabriel to the door. Gabriel stands up one step from him, still not quite eye level. "Thanks," he whispers. His brain yells _Seize it!_  
  
"Yeah," Sam breathes, "Happy Birthday. Again."  
  
Sam turns to leave, and Gabriel feels it slipping away. "Sam," he says quickly. The other man turns around, face curious, and then caught off guard as Gabriel grabs two fistfuls of cotton and hauls Sam's body against his own, lips crashing together messily and his nose aches because it slammed into Sam's cheek and it tingles when he pulls away. "Don't be afraid," he pleads, "trust me with your love again, please."   
  
Sam stares at him, cheeks flushed, arms hanging limply at his sides. "Gabriel-"  
  
"I miss that. I miss hearing you say my name. It's been long enough, Sam. I won't let you down. I'll do anything you want me to. I'll move to Minnesota. I don't fucking care, Sam. I just- I need you to hear you say yes." His eyes are wide, hopeful, searching. His fingers don't let up their grip.  
  
Sam is a statute. Nothing about him moves at all. They stay like that for so long Gabriel worries that the other man is dead on his feet and he gives him a little shake and it must pull Sam from a trance because his face opens a little, looks frightened but has that same hope written all over it that Gabriel's does.  
  
"Maybe," he says.  
  
"Maybe?" Gabriel lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Maybe.... maybe yes?"  
  
Sam nods and Gabriel is overtaken by the glee erupting inside of him. His arms go around Sam's neck and he jumps onto him, legs at his waist, and Sam catches him with the practiced ease of doing it their entire relationship and for a second Gabriel thinks Sam is going to put him down, tell him to back off, but then Sam is at the top step with him and then Sam is slamming his back against the door, kissing him furiously, and Gabriel is making noises like he's been dying without this.  
  
"Birthday sex?" He pants when their mouths break apart.  
  
Sam fumbles with the door until it opens behind him and he's kicking it shut, Gabriel still attached to him like a monkey. "Birthday sex," he growls.  
  
Later that morning, spent and blissful, Gabriel has to start getting ready for lunch and the thing he remembers about being with Sam again, more than anything, is him saying yes over and over, breathless and needy and meaningful and everything Gabriel has been waiting for.

He stands in front of the bathroom mirror and his eyes work over himself and observe the severity of Sam's love. Bruises and bites and scratches. Finally his eyes find his face again. He smirks at himself. "Got him," he whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love feedback


	14. I'm Never Going To Leave This Bed, I'm Through With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Gabriel work it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy tits. Here it is. The end. Oh man. I am so sorry this story sucked. Yes, yes. I know. Every part of this chapter involves them being in their damn bedroom. Shhh. I like the imagery of a meticulous, white, modern bedroom being the backdrop for this garbage.

Sam is face down on the bed. He hopes Gabriel can take the hint. When the mattress sinks beside him he knows that he doesn't. He'd moved himself back in last week and it's been a battle every day about the tragic state of the house when he had.   
  
"You really push me," he mutters, and he turns his head on the pillow so that one eye peaks out to view his bed mate. Gabriel is laying on his back and he turns too, gaze fixed on Sam.  
  
"What can I say? I like to argue." He's smirking, and Sam's eye narrows, ,less than amused at the truth of the statement.  
  
"I don't have the strength to resist fighting with you," he tells him honestly, and his voice is muffled when he lowers the whole of his face into the pillow, and he says, "can't control you, either."  
  
Gabriel thinks its funny, apparently, because he lets out a smug chuckle and then the bed dips and bounces while Gabriel shifts on it and in the next moment he's straddling Sam, rubbing his shoulders, running a massage down his back. Sam lets out a contented sigh. He's still angry, though. He rolls onto his side, awkward with Gabriel refusing to get off of him, and then flat on his back so the smaller man sits in his lap now.  
  
"Do you think I deserve this?" Sam's face is contorted in worry. Gabriel makes him so nervous. He never knows if he's going to be faithful this time or not. They've done this dance so many times. Something in him says _yes, he will_ but another voice says _you're not that stupid, Sam._   
  
"Calm down," Gabriel says softly, "everything is fine." He cups Sam's cheeks with his stubby hands and leans in for a kiss.  
  


* * *

  
  
Sam's sitting on the bed, glaring at Gabriel. His arms are folded across his chest while the smaller man paces the room. His mouth is moving a mile a minute and he's got nothing but apologies and excuses and Sam doesn't buy any of it.  
  
"Go," Sam finally says when Gabriel stops to take a breath, "this isn't working."  
  
Gabriel turns to him, eyes slits, "no. It isn't perfect but I'm staying."  
  
Sam rolls his eyes. "Fine. Whatever. I'm going to sleep." He lays down on his side, back to where Gabriel's spot on the bed is. He pulls the blankets up, over his shoulder, covers his whole frame in them and crushes his head into the pillow.  
  
Gabriel huffs and gets into his side of the bed. He fluffs the pillow noisily, he tugs at the blankets to try and dislodge them from Sam's body. He flops this way and that, obnoxious as possible.   
  
Gabriel wakes Sam up in the middle of the night. He jabs him hard in the ribs and Sam lets out a curse before he leans back on his elbow, chin tipped up so that Gabriel knows he's listening.  
  
"I'm never going to walk away again," Gabriel whispers into the back of Sam's shoulder, "but I think we need to come to some sort of understanding."

 

* * *

  
  
That's how they end up sitting in bed, discussing an open relationship. Sam's mad, thinks it's disgusting he's falling for this scheme. That's got to be what it is. It's just a way for Gabriel to cheat without using the word. Despite that, here he is.  
  
"Sam?" Gabriel waves a hand in front of him. "Are you listening?"  
  
 _No_ , Sam thinks, but he says, "who put these magnets in our hearts and made them so strong?" He looks at his chest and finds the pads of his fingers rubbing at it absently as if that might ease the ache there.  
  
A soft sigh warns him that Gabriel is about to roll into his lap and yes, there he is, unfaithful little bastard, a petite pile of swagger and sex on his knees so that Sam is trapped in damn near his favorite position with the man. _Well played_ , his brain supplies.  
  
"Sammy, I just want you to think about this. It would be-"  
  
"I think we both know in whose arms you belong," Sam interrupts, and his hands surge forward to grip Gabriel, pin his arms to his sides so he can't start using touches to sway Sam.  
  
"Yours." Gabriel's expression is too gentle, like he's dealing with a kicked puppy, and Sam gives a near violent squeeze of warning to him. "Sam, no one is denying that. I am absolutely yours. I will always come home to you. I promised you I won't ever leave this bed again and I won't. Won't sleep somewhere else. I just- I can't help it, Sam, but I can't go without you, either." He wiggles his thighs, closes them in so that Sam can feel the heat radiating off of Gabriel as it engulfs his legs. "I love you."  
  
"Saying I love you has nothing to do with meaning it." Sam turns away, can't bear the thought of Gabriel's sympathetic eyes.  "I don't trust you. Every time we get back here your intentions are so unclear. I spend every hour you're gone waiting for a phone call that I know will never come. You'll show up, yeah, you'll sleep here, but what difference does that make?" He shakes his head and forces his hazel eyes to focus on Gabriel's own. They're dangerously watery but Sam won't cry. Gabe won't either. They're playing a game of alpha male chicken here. First to succumb to the emotional side knows they'll lose and end up saying yes to the others suggestion knowing full well it won't make anyone happy. "I used to think you were the one, now I'm sick of thinking anything at all."  
  
"Sam, I'm never going to leave."  
  
"I shouldn't have come back. I should go again, and when I do, I'm not ever coming back to you."  
  
Gabriel growls and Sam's eyebrows raise in a challenge. The skin of the smaller man is white around the grip Sam still has on him, too tight to be comfortable but Gabriel is acting like he hasn't even noticed. "You won't leave me again."  
  
"This isn't how this was supposed to be."  
  
"And how was it supposed to be, Sam!" Gabriel is yelling and his face tinges pink with the anger that's bubbling up inside of him. Sam swears he's going to be foaming at the mouth any second now.  
  
"You take my hand just to give it back."  
  
"Oh for the love of- this isn't fucking poetry class, Sam."  
  
"Fuck off," Sam grunts, and he shoves Gabriel backward violently.   
  
He doesn't go very far, still on the bed, on his back, and Sam is suddenly hovering over him, on all fours. He's a predator, a wolf who wants to play the roll of sheep. Gabriel isn't falling for that shit anymore. His legs shoot up and he crushes his knees into the larger mans hips. Sam hisses at the contact and his palm is lunging out, curved in a perfect arch, and rather than cower like last time Gabriel offers his throat to Sam, chin tipped up so the expanse of neck is wide, skin pulled tight, shining with an unnerved sweat.  
  
Sam's pinning him by his neck now but it isn't like the last time. There's no pressure on his wind pipe. The hand is simply there, a reminder of what Sam is capable of, who is in charge here. His other hand is trailing down Gabriel's torso, swiping sideways with blunt finger nails that make the taut skin of Gabriel's stomach sting. "Do you remember the way you used to just _melt_ when I touched you?"  
  
Gabriel whimpers. He thinks he's losing now, and he's not happy about it. He refuses to give Sam the word so he instead nods and lets out a second pathetic noise when Sam nips at his jawline. "I remember very well," Sam purrs, and his lips trail over to Gabriel's ear now, tongue twirling about the shell until Gabriel is a shivering mess beneath him, rock hard and desperate for contact.   
  
"How long has is been since someone else you let inside of you has given you what I can give to you?" Sam's body is lowering, in the wide spread V of Gabriel's thighs now, and his heels link themselves together around Sam's lower back.   
  
"Never," he breathes, and it's true.   
  
"I'm through with you," Sam says, quiet, vicious, and his teeth tear into Gabriel's throat so rapidly that his gasp comes after the contact has ended.  
  
"You're not," Gabriel whines, and his hands scramble in Sam's shirt, find purchase on his massive shoulder blades. "You're fucking never going to be done with me."  
  
Sam smirks, shrugs his shoulders, and then leans in for a kiss that's far too gentle for the topic of him leaving Gabriel again. No one wins here and no one loses. They're both compromising.  
  


* * *

  
  
Sam's legs are crossed at the ankle, stretched down the length of the bed. He's sitting up against the headboard and the only noise in the home is the tapping of his fingers against the keyboard of his laptop that's perched over his lap.  
  
The door opens and Sam glances at the clock on the right corner of the screen. He huffs. Two am. He closes the laptop and deposits it on his night stand.  
  
"You're home," he says when Gabriel shuffles into the bedroom.  
  
"Yeah," he sighs. He tosses his jacket into the corner of the room, much to Sam's chagrin, and then shucks his pants and shirt so that all he stands in is a pair of underwear that are far too small. Sam eyes them suspiciously. "What?" Gabriel groans, "Sam, seriously, can we not fucking do this? Do I _look_ ready to do this?"  
  
Sam shoots him a toothy grin and if they lived in a cartoon there would be a damn twinkle coming off of his perfect pearly whites. "What's the rule, Gabriel?"  
  
Gabriel stiffens for a minute, looks like he actually might argue before his body slumps tiredly. "Can I at least shower first?"  
  
"No." Sam crawls his way across the bed and pops up on his knees. His fingers slip into the waist of the tiny animal print briefs, "God these hug your ass so nice." Sam groans as he palms the rounded flesh of Gabriel's backside. "Who got these for you? They're new." A hand slips free so that it can tease the hem of the fabric as it curves around Gabriel's cheek. He snaps the material when Gabriel doesn't answer.   
  
"Zeke," he mumbles.  
  
"Good taste." Sam lowers the absurd garment and allows Gabriel to step out of it. "Where did he cum?"  
  
Gabriel looks away, damn near bashful, "Sam, c'mon-"  
  
"You wanted open, this was the deal. Take it or leave it." Sam leans away from Gabriel, inspects his naked form. "Or would you prefer I left?"  
  
"No," Gabe squeaks, "no."  
  
"Well then." Sam lets the words linger and swings his legs over the bed so his feet hit the floor. He pats his own naked lap. "Tell daddy where he came."  
  
"I fucking hate when you call yourself that." Gabriel shoots Sam a glare but he complies and crawls into Sam's lap, arms hung loosely around his shoulders.   
  
"That's why I do it." Sam kisses his temple first and works his way down to the edge of his shoulder. Gabriel lets out content little sounds at the tender actions. "I'm waiting," Sam reminds him, fingertips dancing over his lovers spine.  
  
"He came on my stomach."   
  
Sam nods. "Good. Pulled out. You tell him to do that?"  
  
"Yes," Gabriel whispers, and the blush is evident in his voice. The shame of it all. He still hasn't quite adjusted to this game. "Told him only you get to fill me up."  
  
Sam groans out his approval and Gabriel makes a similar sound at the way it causes the younger mans cock to twitch against him. "Such a good boy." Sam nips at Gabriel's collarbone gently.  
  
"Whose are you?"   
  
"Yours."   
  
"That's right." Sam shifts slightly and the head of his cock brushes against Gabriel's ass cheek. "Now, on the bed. Come on, on your knees."  
  
Gabriel goes without much of a fight. He lowers his head and shoulders, lets his ass curve high into the air.  
  
"Fuck yeah." The sound of Sam's palm meeting the flesh of Gabriel's ass makes both men ache with need. "Get your arms behind your back. Gonna tie your wrists."   
  
Gabriel does as he's told, half way to hog tied, and his face is crushed into the mattress and all his exhaustion from having the life nearly fucked out of him just hours earlier by Ezekiel disappears because he is never too tired for Sam. He is never not excited for Sam to use him. He has everything he wanted all along. Gabriel couldn't be happier. He has the house, the job, the car. He's an uncle now and Sam? He's so, so good with Cas and Meg's baby that Gabriel almost feels guilty that the guy is gay and not off playing papa instead. Gabriel gets his ass fucked every night if he wants to and afterwards, marked and owned by Sam and Sam alone, he gets to curl up with the big moose in their bedroom. Gabriel never brings anyone home. That's the rule. He always comes home and Sam always gets to be the last load. Sam always gets to be the only load inside of him now. It was a concession Gabriel was more than happy to make.  
  
"Are you listening to me?"   
  
Sam's voice shakes him from his reverence. "Yes, of course."   
  
Another harsh slap falls onto Gabriel's ass. "Reach back, you fucking whore," Sam's voice tells him, "spread your ass. I know you're already ready to take me."  
  
Gabriel's fingers lodge into the flesh of his ass and pull out, expose the puckered and well used hole. "Of course," he says, "always ready for you, Sammy."

No, it isn't working, and no, it isn't perfect. But they stay instead. Neither of them seems to know how to leave this bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The main thing I want to stress here is that this is NOT a healthy relationship. This is not love. This is not a happy ending. These two are horrible to each other in a lot of ways. 
> 
> Before you go and say "the fuck? Who does this?"
> 
> Save for some locations and the fact this is based around song lyrics, this relationship and how it goes up and down is a nicer version of an 8 year on again off again game of dom/sub I played with someone who was bi polar and damn mean. We were very bad people to each other. Fight, scream, fuck, abuse, break up, don't talk, come back, fuck, fight, scream, abuse. It took me having a child to say to him I was done, for good this time. Also, there was no cheating because we were not actually a couple. Just a lot "you seriously have that many more girls you're seeing?" and "you see other guys! But you come to me after. That's how this works". Fucking weird, I know. And that's your TMI/PSA/FYI for the day. 
> 
> If anything in this speaks to you as reminiscent of a relationship you are in my advice is get out or get help. No one deserves to be cheated on and no one should get revenge with punishment. Take care of yourselves! 
> 
> Now that that awkwardness is out of the way...
> 
> Props to anyone who gets all my music references on top of just the lyrics of songs by Maroon 5.
> 
> Please leave some feedback! As I mentioned in the previous chapter this is the first fic of any substantial length that I have actually finished (as far as posting goes, I mean) and I would like to know what you think of it! 
> 
> Sorry it took so long. I love you all, strangers online!
> 
> The end.


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